Penos Envy

Day 28
Mood: Disheartened (should never try on clothes at the end of a long day)

I live with three small boys and one big boy. I am surrounded by penises.

This is not how I grew up. There were mostly girls in my house. Frankly, penises were always a bit intimidating until I had children of my own and saw how small they really start out. ANYWAY, let's just say that in a house with four boys there's a lot of attention paid to male genitalia. And here I am just a lone Mamma in the midst of it all.

First there's Shakey and his "super sperm"--or so he's named it since he can't sneeze in my direction without getting me pregnant. When his mom teasingly raised her eyebrows by how quickly I got pregnant for the third time, the man actually uttered these words TO HIS OWN MOTHER (imagine Shakey standing tall with hands on hips like Superman) "I'm the Sniper. Don't mess with my super sperm." Now I figure he said it to his own mom, so it's fair game for blogging.

Next we have Mr. 2. Mr. 2 does not yet show much interest in using the potty, however he does think it's quite funny in between diapers to chase his brothers around, hold out his penis and yell "I gonna pee on you" and then make a hissing noise. I'm happy to report, so far, that he hasn't actually gone through with the threat, but I'm betting that's just a matter of time.

I reported earlier in the fall that we have a plethora of acorns in our yard and apparently all the rounds of the Let's Pick Up the Acorns game we play with the boys to keep them from spreading out the raked leaves has left an impression on Mr. 2. As I was changing his diaper the other day, he reached down to grab his penis (is that genetic?) and while holding it looked down and then said to me, "Woolk Mommy woolk, it woolks like a acorn." He was right. It sort of did.

Not to be outdone by his younger brother, we have Mr. 10. Mr. 10 was five and half when our middle son was born. I expected the questions all along. Surprisingly, his first concern was how the baby was going to get out (believe it or not he was relieved when I told him how--that's because it wasn't happening to him), but sure enough about a month before I was due he skipped into my room one day and asked how that baby got in there anyway. So I started at the beginning... I told him every baby begins with a sperm and an egg. I explained that mommies have the egg and the daddies have the sperm. At this point he stopped me.

Mr. 10: "Wait daddies have sperm?"

Me: "Yep, all men have sperm."

Mr. 10: "ALL men have sperm?!"

Me: "Yep"

Mr. 10: "Do I have sperm?"

Me: "You will."

Mr. 10: "Where?!"

Me: "Well you know your testicles there underneath your penis?"

Mr. 10: interrupting me, pulling down his pants and stretching his penis up (I swear) over his shoulder "I HAVE SPERM RIGHT HERE?!"

It was like Christmas in April! He never asked how the sperm and egg got together. He was just so psyched to find out he was going to have sperm.

Finally there's Mr. 4. Mr. 4 is my golden retriever--all full of love and extra smart. He's the detail guy. Mr. 4 spoke the earliest too. He could name all of his body parts but for some reason pronounced penis like peenos--like his was greek.

One day in the shower Mr. 4 was telling me once again that I did not have a penos. And as had become the habit, I nodded my head and agreed. Then he proceeded to tick off a list of everyone he knew and whether or not they indeed had a penos. "P has a penos, M doesn't have a penos, Uncle C has a penos, Grandma doesn't have a penos." And on and on this went until he thought he categorized everyone he knew. But he had forgotten one person. So I asked him, "what about Daddy? Does Daddy have a penos (I had to say it that way, how could I resist?)?" Very quickly he replied with large eyes, "Oh yeah, Daddy has a BIIIG penos."

Ahh, life with four penoses boys!