Quiet

Day 18 Still!

Mood: Very Bittersweet

The conference is over. I'm at my parents' house--they are getting ready to move. They are moving near me, which is terrific, but they are leaving the town I went to high school in. And now I haven't been back here much over the years, and I don't have a lot in common with many of the people I was friendly with in high school so I don't keep in touch with that many folks, but I'm feeling sad that I won't be able to come back here to a home. I drove around today, had lunch at a great hamburger joint--whose burgers are just as great as they were 20 years ago--drove by my old house and walked around downtown.

I also visited my grandmother in the nursing home today. That is probably adding to my melancholy. She has alzheimer's and needs round the clock monitoring--a little hitchhiking trip some years back was the signal that she needed more care. She knew who I was. She told me I was beautiful and said I looked a little spoiled (I think she meant chubby). She was happy to see me and I have to say I was so happy to see her. She doesn't remember that I'm married, that I have any children and that she didn't see me yesterday. It's so sad that she needs to be this nursing home, but at the same time she seems to be comfortable in her routine. It's not much of a life, she doesn't live in a very large world--but I hope it makes her feel safe. I pray that I keep my wits about me as I age.

Of course I just topped my night off with a trip to the movies to see Babel (yes kids a movie that wasn't animated! and at first I typed "an adult movie" but in rereading that didn't come across the way I meant it--though it would have been funny if that's what you thought). It was interesting. I'm not sure I got it--I think it's about love. But it certainly wasn't an uplifting movie.

Tomorrow I get on a plane and go back to my life as wife, mother, employee, suburban mom. This past 24 hours by myself has been good for me--a chance to be alone with my thoughts. Time really slowed down--except for the time this afternoon that I didn't want to move slowly--and I feel like I've heard my own voice a bit. It's amazing what you can hear when things are quiet.

And for the record, even though this post is officially on Sunday, I'm counting this as my Saturday post for you NaBloPoMo watchers because I haven't gone to bed yet.