My Relationship with My Eyebrows: A Play in Three Parts
Act I: Blissful Ignorance
Scene: Mamma's third birthday party. She's about to blow out the candles on her cake. Two parents share a conversation in the back of the room.
Parent 1: She's a cutie.
Parent 2: She's going to get away with a lot with those big blue eyes.
Parent 1: And those long eyelashes...
Act II: This Might Be as Bad as Getting Your Period
Scene: Mamma's now 13. Short Stuff (Mamma's Mamma) calls to Mamma from her bedroom.
Short Stuff: Mamma, come here.
Mamma:
Short Stuff: Mamma?! Come here.
Mamma: (eye roll) o-kay
Mamma enters Short Stuff's bedroom and is attacked by a crazy tweezer wielding woman.
Mamma: What are you doing?! (trying to slap Short Stuff away)
Short Stuff: I just. need. to. get. rid. of. someofthosehairs.
Mamma: OUCH! OUCH! What. are. you. doing?!
Short Stuff: We just need to clean your eyebrows up a bit. You'll like it.
Later that day...Mamma and her best friend Long Legs are walking to the pool
Long Legs: What happened to your face?
Mamma: My mom "plucked" my eyebrows. It frickin' hurt!
Long Legs: It looks better. Before they looked like two caterpillars in heat.
Act III: Acceptance/The Love Affair
Scene: Mamma, freshly denuded of unsightly eyebrow and bikini hair, saunters down the sidewalk on a sunny brisk day.
Voiceover Mamma: I wonder if Timi (my esthetician) knows what a girl crush I have on her. I mean look at these eyebrows! They're perfect every time! This might be better than a new hair cut. I love Timi. Love her, love her, love her. Hmm? I didn't know my pants hit my skin there. Shakey's going to love Timi too!
Cue The Gap Band "You Dropped a Bomb on Me" as Mamma hops into her big SUV and drives away.
Fin.
19 Deserve Mamma's Love:
Who knew hair removal could be so entertaining? Sigh. Now I need to go out and find a good esthetician.
I am so under-groomed right now...
I had to come tell you the "liar" post was a typo, I meant to put AREN'T Liars. I feel real stupid, I would never have said that.
And I'm so very glad I'm blonde, blonde, blonde because I am lazy about this sort of thing.
Are you Greek? 'Cause sister from another mister, my eyebrows are like WIG FACTORIES!
Who said blogs are all about navel-gazing? I mean, there's eyebrow-tweezing to talk about, too.
I totally had the Bert unibrow. Thank the goodness for tweezers!
Lisa
I feel the same way about ... nope. Never mind.
I think you may be living my life...When someone compliments my eyebrows, it makes me happy for a week! And the Brazilian? Amazing!
I'm very undergroomed now myself. I am most winters... the best part about wearing jeans all the time.
My nemisis... as I age, I get new additions to my hair factory.. on my chin.
I might have to save your play to show my youngest. She has beautiful eyes and eyelashes and lots of brow.
The very first time I had my eyebrows waxed was at a high school boyfriend's family Thanksgiving celebration. I know - it WAS weird. All the cousins turned out like godesses. I immediately started to break out everywhere the wax was applied and stayed like that for two weeks.
Ugh. The things we women do to ourselves.
I am obsessed with my eyebrows. I get them waxed every month...it's a MUST for me.
It really is amazing how much better we look with a good brow wax. As for the other....I have not yet been so bold! I do have a friend who swears by it. I may need to give it a try!
Wow, popular topic!
Your mother and my mother obviously have nothing in common. It wasn't until I was 25 that it dawned on me that the Brooke Shields full eyebrow look really wasn't so stylish.
I'm too tweezed at the moment. I need help!!!
I've never even heard the word "esthetician" but now I want one.
Desperately.
Oh FINE. I read your post. And now ... I feel so ... hairy.
Ha! This reminds me of the scene in Miss Congeniality where Michael Caine says, "Eyebrows. There should be two!"
Envy...
I rogaine my eyebrows each day so that they're thick enough to make into some sort of shape.
Lucky you....
Lucky hubby if you're all into grooming all of it too...
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