Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Misty Water Colored Memories...

I'm in Florida for work--in the town I lived during highschool.

I'm not one of those folks who looks back on highschool as the best time of my life. It wasn't. Don't get me wrong...I made the best of it, but I suffered all the typical angst of a teenage girl. Okay, maybe a little more than the average highschool teeny bopper.

This afternoon I took some quiet time to look out over the water and just let my thoughts wander (which with three boys is a luxury in and of itself) and I was surprised by the wave of emotions that hit me.


We were so young then. We made decisions without regard to what they'd mean next week or better yet in the next decade. And as this dawned on me, I was suddenly able to let go of a number of pieces of luggage I've been dragging around like a favorite blanket since then (I know, I'm a slow learner, it's been nearly twenty years). What I finally realized was that I wasn't the only one who had no idea what I was doing. Nobody else did either, and I can't hold it against them.

I'm feeling a little twinge of bittersweet emotions right now, but I feel lighter too.

Shit, the hotel doesn't have a scale! I guess I'll just go try on my tight jeans and see if they're a little looser.

Cross your fingers for me!

8 Deserve Mamma's Love:

Oh, The Joys said...

There are two (married) bloggers I read who live in my high school town. I adore these two, but that little fact kinda spooks me a little - because of all that you said...

Jill said...

The funny thing is, when I was in high school I thought I was soooo mature. Because, you know, most mature people go through a can of hairspray a week.

St Jude said...

My memories of High School are not particularly happy either, like you the old teenage angst. I carried my 'baggage' with me until I was forty, (yes I know I don't look a day over 35 :0}),suddenly everything became very clear and that's when I really started to enjoy myself.

Sean said...

I've recently bumped into a few people I knew in high school and I've had some of the same feelings and revelations. I was an oddball in high school and it's refreshing to know that, even though I'm still goofy, the field has been leveled since school.

mamatulip said...

I was thinking last night about my high school years, and how I am such a different person now compared to the person I was then. And I was wondering if I ran into someone from high school, they'd realize that in me.

I hope they would.

My fingers are crossed. I hope the jeans were looser!

kat said...

I can remember daydreaming about going back at my 5-10 year reunion and showing off to all the people I felt discounted me in highschool. In actuality I haven't been to a single reunion and realized that I really didn't care anymore. Most are not people I would seek out anyway now - our lives are so different.

Though I did once find out that many of the "popular" clique that I wanted to impress, actually just thought that I wasn't interested in being friends with them.

Kevin Charnas said...

and if your body isn't a little bit lighter, at least your spirit is...and that's the most important part, isn't it?

very wise post, Mamma...very wise. As a matter of fact, I feel a little lighter myself thinking back on a situation from over 20 years ago with that perspective that you were contemplating. So, thank you...

Attila The Mom said...

My son once complained to me, "These are supposed to be the best years of my life!"

I retorted, "According to who?"

I would never go back. All the angst, hormones, etc. Blech!