Wednesday, July 01, 2009

When You Have an Addict in Your Life

There's been an addict in my life for over twenty years.

I've locked my doors. I've hidden my purse. And I've been stolen from regardless.

I've been mad. I've cried. I've been hurt. I've been embarrassed and ridiculously angry.

I've pretended not to care.

I've done to Al-Anon, and yet the worry remains.

My sister has been "clean" for the past four years to the best of my knowledge. She might actually be finding the way to live with her addiction, but just one overheard conversation and my temptation to go into "she's high again" mode jumps on my shoulders like one of Jack Hanna's animals going after David Letterman.

My goal each time is just to keep the animal from taking a crap on my head.

Last night I overheard my son talking to his mom (my sister). I could hear him repeatedly asking her what she was talking about. Each time he said it I felt my shoulders pull higher and higher.

"Why isn't she making sense?" "Is she slurring her words?" "Fuck, she's using again."

We learn in Al-Anon that the addicts' problems are not ours--that we don't have to react to them. But when you're raising the addict's child how can it not affect you?

I AM a mamma lion. Don't mess with my kids or I'll cut you.

I won't think twice about it.

Even if you are my sister.

8 Deserve Mamma's Love:

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I hope she is okay. Addiction is a bitch.

PFunky said...

So sorry to hear that...hope the boy is doing okay...hope you find some peace (somehow)...hope you are okay...xoxo

amy turn sharp said...

oh babe. I feel for you- I have a bff with a problem- I cannot imagine having sister/child to add in mix. i really feel hard for you. It is like the floor can fall in anytime. I love ya. xo prayers.

Thea said...

Oh, Amie, I am so sorry that you have to go through this...that your son has to as well.

I pray that you find the strength to keep trudging along and not letting her hold you back.


Unknown said...

Oh fuck. You know I know how you feel although you have it do much more complicated than I do. Again. Fuck! And. HUGS.

flutter said...

crap, babe. I am sorry.

Emily McKhann said...

I'm so sorry this hovers in the background for you and your son a.l.l t.h.e t.i.m.e. I hope you're doing alright. xoxoxo

Anonymous said...