Friday, December 14, 2007

Intervention Needed STAT!

Blogging friends, if ever there was a time I needed you it is now.

I had Live with Regis and Kelly on this morning as I was getting ready (Anderson Cooper was sitting in for Regis--he's funny and I'll admit here I've watched Kelly since she was on Dance Party USA) and Michael Bolton was on singing some Christmas tunes.

Here's the problem.

When he was chatting with Kelly and AC at the end, I actually thought to myself, "Hmmm. He's kinda cute. I can finally see what makes the girls swoon."


I've hit a new low.

Kris and Kim--my girls--come hit me over the head now before I set up my own fan page.

Monday, December 10, 2007

It's Not a Red or Blue State

Driving along on my way to work this morning I was daydreaming and thinking about Florida. The weather was grey and chilly and I was imagining the warm touch of the sun on my skin.

I know I moved away from my home town as soon as I could, but there's still a soft spot in my heart for a few things St. Pete.

Anyway, you know how you get in the zone when you're driving a route you travel often? I had just gotten on the highway when all of the sudden I noticed that I was surrounded by white cars. Of course, white cars make me think of Florida. They always jumpt out of me when I'm home for a visit. White just doesn't seem to be the color of choice for drivers here in the mid-Atlantic states. So when I all of the sudden felt like a golden chariot riding through white puffy clouds, I took note.

Then the car behind me on the left pulled up in front of me. And where was the license plate from? You got it--Florida.

I love starting my day with a chuckle.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Dear ToysRUs: A Memo from Mamma

Dear ToysRUs:

It's December. Without researching the statistics, I'm guessing this is probably the most lucrative time of year for your business. Now again, I'm just guessing, but I'd bet that Christmas might have something to do with that.

So, with Santa expected on December 25th and millions of parents worried about getting the season's must-have presents for their adorable little lovelies, I have to ask this question.

Who was the brilliant executive who made the decision to outfit your stores with see-thru shopping bags for the Christmas season?

I'm guessing this person is not a mom.

Do you understand the talent required to prevent three curious boys from discovering Santa's loot for three whole weeks?! Can a mamma get a little help? Are opaque bags too much to ask for?

Target is using dark red ones this year. I'm just sayin.

Happy Holidays!!

The Quotable Men in My Life

Mr. 3 after falling off the bench in the kitchen last night:

The Dad: Are you okay? What did you hit?
Mr. 3: The floor

Mr. 5 sitting next to me on the couch:

Mr. 5: I just farted.
Me: What are you supposed to say?
Mr. 5: It stinks.

Mr. 11 calling me at 6:30 p.m. while I'm in Target--and it's raining outside:

Me: Hello?
Mr. 11: Mom, it's me. Have you seen my shoes?
Me: Um? Not since this morning. I'm at Target.
Mr. 11: I can't find my shoes.
Me: Did you look around? Did you look in my room?
Mr. 11: I can't find them anywhere! I don't know where they are.
Me: It's raining outside and dark. You don't need them right now do you?
Mr. 11: I've looked everywhere. I can't find them. Moooom...
Me: I can't do much about it right now. I'm at Target.
Mr. 11: Well! I can't find my shoes. I'm not going to be able to go to school tomorrow.

Friday night me and the hubs got a little time to ourselves. It was late. We tried to start something, but we just couldn't--um--finish. I got a little upset, but I was so tired I fell asleep. I then woke up to the sound of the hubs dry heaving in the bathroom--bad sour cream we think.

The next day...

Me: Do we need to talk about last night?
Hubs: Um.
Me: Is there something wrong? Is our sex life over?
Hubs: No. No.
Me: Was it because you felt so bad?
Hubs: Yeah, that sour cream killed me.
Me: Well why didn't you tell me to stop?
Hubs: I didn't want to say "Hey babe I gotta stop I think I'm going to throw up."
Me: Awww. You wanted to save my ego?

Am I a lucky girl to be living with these four guys or what??