Monday, March 24, 2008

How He Became Our Son, Part I

We had been married for nine months when we got the call.

We were going to have a kid--a three and a half year-old kid!

Wha?!

Parental responsibilities were to begin in forty-eight hours!

Holy shit on a cracker! In forty-eight hours?! What do I need? What do they eat? Where will he sleep? What does he do when we go to work? What about when we're at happy hour?

There had been those three days a month after our honeymoon when I thought I might be pregnant, but it was a false alarm. Even then, I would have had nine months to prepare for the arrival. But this? We weren't getting much notice.

Then I found out why.

Life with my sister has never been what you'd describe as predictable--life with a drug addict rarely is. I'd lived through screaming matches, visiting hours at rehab, sketchy friends, suicide attempts, rehab, dropping out of school, "your sister has run away," "well, I'm going to live with Dad," parents kicking her out, rehab, wrecked cars, the MS diagnosis, arrests for posession, rehab and then finally "I'm pregnant, can't work, not married, but I'm keeping the baby anyway."

Seriously, mom's Christmas cards were always the first ones opened I'm sure.

I was fully prepared to step in if the MS ever got too bad for her to care for my nephew. This had been made clear to the husband when he was still just the boyfriend. Luckily her disease had progressed slowly and my nephew's birth didn't cause her any loss of mobility (as we were warned it might). The possibility of taking on his care seemed a long way off.

But of course there I was on the phone getting the "your sister's in jail and you need to come get him now" call.

I know, hindsight is 20/20. I should have seen it coming, right? As stupid as it sounds though, I just didn't.

44 Deserve Mamma's Love:

kris said...

Oh sweet girl. What a great post. Do we ever see the really good stuff coming? ;)

Mrs. Chicken said...

Wow. This blew me away. Waiting eagerly for the next installment.

Loralee Choate said...

Talk about a clifhanger.

That sounds like a very sweet, and heartbreaking story all at the same time.

amy t sharp said...

yr so good...I am sitting here thinking about how massive of a moment that must have been for you
xo

Suburban Oblivion said...

How is it I had NO idea about this?? Wow!!

truly said...

You are my hero.

Nancy said...

You and your husband, angels just spending some time on Earth =)

I look forward to part 2

PunditMom said...

And you are an amazing woman (and have an amazing husband) to step in an care for and love him. The hugest gift you could ever give.

xoxo

Christina said...

I can't wait to hear the next part of this story.

To be able to drop everything and take a three year old into your lives at a moments notice is simply amazing. You are a very strong woman.

Paige Jennifer said...

Yes well, if you ever want to adopt me too, I'm available. You're an awesome mom.

And that sister of yours? She's living something like twelve TLC Movie of The Weeks all at the same time.

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

Wow. you rock.

And email me.

aimee at greeblemonkey dot com

Kimberly said...

You love me for scooters. I love you for this.

Who wins?

You.

Amazing...

flutter said...

This just made me burst into tears.

I just adore you.

Julie Pippert said...

I knew just a bit from things you've said: that he came to you quickly, with almost no notice.

I know a bit more from how you talk that you figured it all out well.

So glad you are telling this.

Steve said...

Girl, this is why I read you. A simple yet riveting post (as always).

Waiting to hear more.

Yours forever
Bon Jovi man.

sam said...

Holy moly! You can't just leave us hanging; that was FAR too intense for a part one!!

SoMo said...

The way I see it even if you have 9 months to prepare kids are still a shock to the system. And no matter how long you have them you are still learning.

That boy is so lucky to have an mom/aunt like you. And we are so lucky to have people like you to step in and take care of those that get left behind.

Gwen said...

This is such an interesting story. I'm looking forward to reading more about it. I can't imagine how it would be to start parenting with a three year old. Amazing!

Sue Doe-Nim said...

Wow.

What a way to start a marriage. On your side I see it as a no brainer (he's your nephew, it's simple, not easy but simple) but your husband.

He's truly remarkable. I'm not surprised you have one of the great ones.

andi said...

Wow. When I first started reading this post I was wondering why you'd applied for adoption so early in your marriage. I didn't know he was your nephew! You are an amazing person. Can't wait to read the next part.

Claudia said...

Mine was: Your sister killed herself. After months of addiction, and three children, 10 years living her life out of rehab and motel rooms she finally quit. Thankfully my Mother, gods bless her had the courage and strength to take two of the kids early on and give them a stable home. The third, my niece with SB, lives with the other Grandmother. My hubby and I are on both women's wills to step in the event anything happens to them. We're also weekend warriors with the babies. Life is hard when you're picking up a lot of pieces. But it's rewarding. Bless you baby....karma (and love) will come back around your way, trust me on this one.

Many hugs and kisses for you and your family!!!

Gunfighter said...

You're a good soldier, Ml... your husband is, too... but then, I've always known that about you.

Just Janice said...

Wow! good for you for steping up to the plate!

Redneck Mommy said...

What a great story you are telling! I can't wait for the next post!

Then again, I can't wait for my phone to ring and someone telling me that I have a kid to call my own!!

Nola said...

He is lucky you were baby-mamma's sister! Not all aunts would have done what you did. Nor many married-to-the-family uncles.

Thanks for sharing.

Beth said...

A sad but wonderful story - looking forward to Part II.

karrie said...

Oh wow. I never knew. I can't imagine going from 0-3 in 10 seconds flat.

Oh, The Joys said...

I'm so glad you wrote this. I was actually going to ask, but... you know... I didn't want to be nosey.

pinks & blues girls said...

This speaks such volumes of the depth of the love you have for your sister. You and your husband are absolute heroes.

Jane, Pinks & Blues

JayMonster said...

First off, awesome and amazing story.

Second, and please excuse me for being Mr. Obvious here (but you did ask), the reason you "didn't see this coming" is because you are a genuinely good person, and as such, you see (or try to see) the good in others, so while predicting the outcome would not have been any real surprise, I surmise you hoped and (at least tried) to believe that your sister would do right by this child. Unfortunately reality won out, but fortunately you were there.

mary said...

Wow. Just...wow.

Cathy said...

Also waiting eagerly...

Wow.

Paige said...

Wonderful post.

Lotta said...

Wow Mama. I'm so glad he had you!

Kim said...

Just when I thought you couldn't get any more awesome...

Karen said...

You're amazing.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

There was a time when we thought we were going to have to take our nephew as well. My lovely SIL couldn't seem to stop getting OCS called on her. LOVELY!

What a blessing that you could be there to help him.....makes me love you even more! (IF that's possible!)

Apryl DeLancey said...

Best of luck to you!

Zookeeper said...

Some of the most wonderful things happen to us when we aren't planning on them. Good for you for letting it happen.

Lawyer Mama said...

Oh boy. Did you ever guess how lucky you'd feel?

A Whole Lot of Nothing said...

Holy sweet Jebus. You must have the heart of an angel. Going to read part II...

canape said...

I'm so glad you are telling this story!

Velveteen Mind - Megan said...

Okay, I sort of love you. Just a little.

Meg said...

Oh.my.God.