Sunday, October 14, 2007

Writing, Music and Me

Once upon a time, I wrote when my brain swirled with thoughts. As a teenager, that usually involved a broken heart or anger at my parents, but it always helped to sit down and just write and write and write until I was exhausted. I would say everything that I felt like I couldn't say out loud or didn't have the opportunity to say. Writing rarely changed the outcome of the situation, but it was cathartic.

I never was a journal keeper. I tried many times. I love a blank book like nobody else, but I could never keep up a journal. I wanted to. It just never worked--unless I was sad or mad.

Two years ago a friend started a blog and I was intrigued by the concept. My brain never stops. Many nights falling asleep is a challenge because I just can't seem to turn it off. A blog seemed like a perfect place to put those thoughts--and honestly, I was tired of watching my husband shake his head in amused disbelief as I shared yet another of my thoughts. And for the past year, writing regularly has been fairly easy. Like I said. Many thoughts.

Lately, I've been struck by an ironic shift. I don't seem to be able to write when I have serious emotions I need to get out.

There are some thoughts I've been stewing over lately, thoughts I need to get out, but for once writing (at least here) doesn't seem like the best way to exorcise them from my head. Hence, the infrequent posts of late. Luckily, the wonderful Christine (you have no idea how tempting it was to call you Christina on purpose *grin*), who parenthetically may be my soul sister, sent me a few interview questions a while back and it has provided me with some fodder for a post.

So without further ado...

1) Who is your ideal candidate for president?

Elizabeth Edwards.

Unfortunately, she's not running. Honestly, I don't know that my ideal exists. That's the problem. I've invited all of the major candidates to come by my house. I really don't live that far from DC. I have just one question that I'd like each to answer. All of their big "plans" and "policies" aside, how would their Presidency make the world a safer and more prosperous place for my children?

Name three songs that define important events in your life, what are they and what memories do they bring?

At first this was a difficult question to answer. Many songs have strong associations for me--some reminding me of a person or a particular place. Many ellicit strong emotional reactions, and yet none of them defined the important events of my life. It seems too easy to say, "oh this is the song we danced to at our wedding" but that felt cliche. Instead, I've selected three that are by no means my favorites or the three most important songs to me, but rather three that define major steps in my life.

Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas
As silly as it is, this is the first 45 I owned. I received it as a present for my fifth or sixth birthday. I think from my "cousin" Matthew. I included it because it marks the point in my life when I remember having my own "tastes" (for whatever that says about them--give me a break it was the 70's).

Fly Me To the Moon by Frank Sinatra
I have warm memory tied to this song. The details aren't important. The significance is difficult to describe. What it boils down to is that I've lead my life not always believing I was truly lovable. This song reminds me that it is possible.

Isn't She Lovely by Stevie Wonder
Okay, this may be confusing, because anyone who has read my blog knows that I don't have any girls. It's a penis-filled house here in VA (well except for me of course). Oddly enough, this song makes me think of my three boys though. It's such a beautiful song about becoming a parent and the overwhelming amount of love that enters your life with the arrival of your child. When I hear this song, I think about rocking those little babe-o-lahs in my arms and dancing around singing to them. There is nothing like the big, toothless smile of baby to melt your heart.

3) Without thinking, write the first sentence that comes to mind. Now, explain it.

I'm hungry.

Boy you have no idea how loaded this sentence is! I really am hungry right now. The cheese and crackers I had earlier didn't really cut it as dinner. And they shouldn't have. I have an unfortunately complicated relationship with food. I love it and I hate it all at the same time. I've written about my challenges with my weight in the past. I love food. I love tasting it and sharing it with others. But, I don't eat for health, and that's a problem. I hate that I battle my weight. I hate what I think it says about me. In my head it tells the world I'm a glutton and lazy and disgusting and every other awful description you can come up with, and yet I can't seem to stop doing it.

4) If you could leave today, and land anywhere and with whomever you wanted, and start a new life, where would you be and with who?

The where is easy. It would definitely be a warm sunny beach--turquoise blue water, white sand and a light warm breeze. The who is much harder. Is this the only person I will ever see for the rest of my life? That's too hard. I could never narrow it down. If it's for a weekend of hot, steamy sex well then...

5) What is the one famous quote that most closely mirrors your own personal beliefs?

Take away love and our earth is a tomb. Robert Browning

I see this as love for each other as individuals and for each other as human beings. What would our world be like if we led with love?

32 Deserve Mamma's Love:

K said...

Excellent song choices!

#3 I am right there with you re food. I am very much an emotional eater. But how do we stop? It's not like other addictions because we have to eat to live. We can't just choose not to eat. Yeah, yeah..healthier choices blah blah blah. Never got much comfort from a carrot personally.

Hang in there, you're not a lazy glutton and you're not alone.

Anonymous said...

I'm an emotional eater, as well. Check my thighs - they would agree.

Fly Me to the Moon - one of my top 5, definitely.

And there is NOTHING like singing to your little baby, dancing around the room. Nothing.

Anonymous said...

I figure there's a perfect song for every situation. I broke out singing, "I Think I Love You" after reading an article by an advertising guy the other day. (I know.) It totally fit for me, but I don't think he'd get it if I sent it in an e-mail.

Jennifer said...

Food is quickly becoming my nemesis, too...

Love that "Isn't She Lovely" reminds you of your boys!

Beth said...

Those serious emotions you have trouble writing about? Have you tried writing them down but not for your blog?
Writing things down always helps me whether my musings ever see the light of day or not.

(Love your song choices.)

Heather said...

Warm sunny beaches are heavenly!

Amy said...

Ditto No. 3. "Isn't She Lovely" makes me cry b/c my husband made a slideshow of photos from the day our daughter was born, and set it to that song.

I've been missing you!

MamaGeek @ Works For Us said...

May I just say I love (LOVE) your song selections and your Robert Browning quote.

P.S. My husband suffers froms amused disbelief as well. :)

Lumpyheadsmom said...

I'm with you on Elizabeth Edwards. I get asked a lot who I'm backing for the nomination, and I usually answer "Elizabeth Edwards." It's an artful dodge, but it's also true.

Cathy, Amy and Kristina said...

I'm the same with food. I eat for comfort. And even as I'm cooking or eating, I know WHY I'm doing it.

And still...

Anonymous said...


I'm shoveling in Tings and humming Kung Fu fighting now.

Which makes me wonder if Hong Kong Phooey has a soundtrack, somewhere, out there?

Anonymous said...

Those are great questions and answers. I'm with you Elizabeth Edwards for prez and I love "Isn't She Lovely". I've got a slideshow of my last baby to that song on my cre8buzz profile if you are bored and want to check it out.

You are a house full of penises including the rockin' dildo you got at BlogHer.

OhTheJoys said...

Flutter asks the good questions. I have some of her questions to answer, but just can't bring myself to blog fun lately.

Regarding the writing on what you stew about - do you think it's because your true identity is known somewhat? Private, double secret OTHER blog?

Jen said...

Great Browning quote.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I love this post! I can completely relate to the food question. Some days I am completely motivated to watch what I eat and others I feel like there is absolutely no way I can put enough food into my body.....and the really sad thing usually has nothing to do with hunger!

I love your song choices! You are extremely LOVABLE.....just sayin'! :)

I heart you and we haven't even met...YET!!!!!!!!! :)

Marty, a.k.a. canape said...

I feel your block. The block stinks.

Sending smooches your way.

PunditMom said...

Sorry about the writer's block. I hate that. But these are wonderful thoughts -- especially about Elizabeth Edwards!

Unknown said...

I think this was too girly for me. :)

I have the perfect fix for the food thing, though. Just have me cook for you...your love for food will die a quick death.

Be good

Unknown said...

I think this was too girly for me. :)

I have the perfect fix for the food thing, though. Just have me cook for you...your love for food will die a quick death.

Be good

Lawyer Mama said...

I've been having similar writing issues lately too. I have so, so, so many things I need to say but I just can't do it yet.

Oh, EE for president would be fantastic, wouldn't it?

Kimberly said...

love that last quote!

hmmmmm...I'm hungry too. See what you did? ;-)

Anonymous said...

I hear you with the block, my friend...

May the words come back to you.

Nancy said...

I like the way you answered these good questions.

When my daughter Caitlin was born, 19 years ago, her birth announcement was created around that song, The front was "I can't believe what God has done, through us he's given life to one" ... when it was opened I had her photo with "Isn't she Lovely" printed. Ahhh, memories =)

BOSSY said...

Good questions, good answers. Bossy is off to lead with love.

Neil said...

I also find it difficult to deal with serious emotions on my blog. It was easier in the beginning when everything felt anonymous. Now that I feel like I know other bloggers, I'm sometimes as tongue-tied about certain issues as I am with my real-life friends.

And I like Kung Fu Fighting, too.

Unknown said...

Wow. That was a really intelligent quote there at the end. I don't even know who Robert Browning is. That's why I know it's a really intelligent quote.

My quote would probably be something like "Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben." (That's from Blazing Saddles)

Stacey said...

Oh the food issues I have. If it just weren't so doggone good and I lived a stress free life *sigh*

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful quote. I'm going to write that one down.

Lisa said...

I have never left a comment on your site, but have been reading your blog for quite some time. Can I tag you?
Consider yourself tagged!

Lisa said...

As I was reading your post I had just scarfed down my third Snickers "fun size" bar of the day. And that's in addition to the two "fun size" Milky Ways and Peanut butter cups I ate prior. (So between our "meals" it looks like we'll BOTH be constipated. heehee.)

Why is "fun size" so small. Shouldn't it be ginormous? Its FAR more fun to eat a BIG candy bar.

Anyways... Seriously, tho. I hate that the little voice in your head tells you that about your weight. You need to chock that bitch and listen to me: You are beautiful, smart, compassionate, stylish, eloquent, fun, sassy, and just plain amazing! So there! :-)

Anonymous said...

I love this.

and I'm hungry too.

Redsy said...

Hi ML,
I hear you on struggling with writing the whole truth - i'm blocked and locked in some sort of weird writing limbo and it sucks..

Perhaps an interview is in order :)