When?

Thirty-seven is right around the corner and I can't tell you how surprising that is to me. I thought that at thirty-seven I'd have arrived. I thought I'd know a few things. I thought I'd feel like an adult.

But at thirty-six and eleven twelfths, I don't.

Sure career (check), married (check), kids (check), house (check), book club (check), some grey hairs (check). It certainly looks like thirty-seven doesn't it.

But on the inside, it's a whole other story!

On the best of days I'm still shocked that I have been entrusted with children. At work as a consultant, I still giggle at the idea that people pay ME to tell them what to do. On the not so best of days, I'm not so sure where I am is where I want to be and I worry that this is not at all what I had in mind but I might just be stuck with it...and then I panic.

Is this what it's going to be forever? Is it too late to change? But I didn't know then what I know now. It might have made some different decisions. But I didn't! What do I do?!

And then all of the sudden it feels like I'm twenty-two again without any idea of what to do iwth my life. More accurately probably it feels a bit like seventeen, except that at seventeen I thought I knew everything!

When will I feel like the confident grown-up? When? Because just now it finally feels like I have enough information to decide where to go. But I've already gotten pretty far down the road.