Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Bad Blogosphere Day

Up until today I loved the blogosphere. I mean I hearted it in a major way. In a very short time I have become addicted to the entertainment, community and insight I derive from reading others and writing on my own.

But that all ended today.

I plopped myself in front of my computer first thing this morning as I do each day and what was waiting for me but some comments. Well I love comments--the affirmation, sweet affirmation--so I dove right in. But the first one...oh the first one...it changed everything.

Anonymous left me a comment today telling me that I had made an awful comment about a homeless mother on another blog and that they came over to tell me just how mean I am.

My first reaction was sheer hurt. What had I said? Where did I say it? I scanned my list of regular reads, I picked through a few possible posts to see what I wrote. But nothing. Now I'm no saint despite the fact that I may hang out with some, but I don't make a habit of leaving rude or thoughtless comments on others blog. The fact that I might have hurt someone's feelings upset me. The idea that someone thought I was being mean really upset me. The fact that it involved another mother was even worse.

After a while the hurt gave way to anger. You know if this person really had an issue with me, they didn't HAVE to read my blog. They COULD have sent me an email to tell me they thought my comment was inappropriate, they COULD have had the guts to leave their name so I could find out where this incident had taken place and either apologize or explain.

I have to say that all the blogs I read today I read with a jaded eye. For the first time, I couldn't just enjoy the writing or become intrigued by an idea without wondering if the author was Anonymous. And that made me very, very sad.

The problem with writing is that meaning is often left to interpretation. And I'm well aware of the number of "mommas" there are out there, so there is room for confusion. But this whole thing has got me wondering if I want to continue to participate in the blogosphere.

41 Deserve Mamma's Love:

Lotta said...

I know. I got an "anon" comment that told me I used to be funny but now I was just mean. Um, thanks.

I felt better after I read some www.dooce.com. She handles bad comments with such hilarity. People just loooove to be righteous. Don't let it take away something you enjoy!

St Jude said...

I have had to deal with this sort of comment before... yes little old saintly me! I, like you was hurt and I couldn't figure out either what I had done or where I had done it?

Don't take it to heart, there are some odd people out there, but on the whole the people you 'meet' are great.

Steve said...

yep, been there too. I was devastated the first time someone did that me too. I find it so funny that they feel comfortable to criticize when no one can tell who they are.

Here's my thoughts: I'm a big enough person to 'show my face' when I make an opinion. Anon commentrs aren't so it's hard to take what they say seriously.

Also, many of them don't have a blog either so it's real easy for them to point fingers at our writings when they don't struggle to create a well-written post.

Don't let their ignorance keep you from writing for us who still want to read you.

100 Words said...

The coward - if you're going to make a false accusation, at least have the cohones to reveal yourself. What a disgrace.

Truly said...

You know that book The Four Agreements? Whenever I'm faced with pettiness I remind myself: be true to your word; don't take things personally; don't make assumptions; and always do your best. And then have a bloody mary.

karrie said...

Was it spam in hiding? Every now and then I get an inexplicable negative comment like that, and behind "anon" is a commercial website or address.

I don't understand anonymous comments. People should be free to say what they like--and I actually find it kind of annoying how some of the better known bloggers police their comments for anything vaguely disapproving--but you should own your words.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

DON'T let 'em get to ya...I had a rude anonymous comment recently too...It makes your stomach hurt.

But if they had the balls to be so anonymous...then I wouldn't worry.

When we put ourselves out there we open up to those types of people...It's just what this blog thing is about...Do you have stat counter?

If not, get it. It's free and you can pretty much figure out who was where and at what time...

I'm sorry you feel this way. But just don't let it bother you.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

Oh...and disable anon commenters from being able to say anything...I have.

Oh, The Joys said...

I got into a blog fight once..ick.

In some ways it's better that it's annonymous - if they're too cowardly to face you then they don't get a real response.

Hit "delete".

and here's virtual LOVE, LOVE, LOVE for you!!

canape said...

I have a word for people like that. It's dipshit.

Sending over all the positive energy I can muster.

Kelly O said...

Delurking to say, I hear you, man. I left what I thought was an innocuous little show-of-support comment on someone's blog, but it was misinterpreted (almost willfully so; I'm so not a mean person!) (well, maybe a little mean, but not to strangers) and blown out of proportion, and left me feeling like a complete jackass. So now I rarely comment, because you never know what someone else's knee-jerk issues might be.

Okay, back into my shell!

MamaLee said...

I agree about being a coward. If someone has an issue, they should name themselves and OWN their comment.

I'd hit delete and cherish the fact that many of us here LOVE you.

Housewife said...

Fuck 'em.

If they're not willing to post their name then their thoughts don't matter.

Plus I think you're fabulous and we all know that I'm always right.

Whatever... humor me on the last one.

Jhianna said...

What everybody else said - plus: don't let them win. There are just too many putzes out there and not enough time to give them any attention.

mamatulip said...

Don't let it get to you. If people are going to leave comments in that fashion then they should have the balls to use some sort of an identity. I haven't been reading you for that long but I get the distinct vibe that you're not the kind of woman who would go out of her way to intentionally make fun of someone or say something hurtful. The shitty thing about the Internet, like you said, is that so much of it is left to intrepretation. I can't tell you how many times I've left a comment on someone's blog that sounded good in my head, but when I re-read it, sounded totally stupid.

Someone suggested disabling anonymous comments -- do that if you think it might help. I really don't want to see you leave the "blogosphere" over this!!

Plain Jane Mom said...

You just can't let anonymous cowards get you down. I hope today is much much better for you!ht

St Jude said...

See sweetie... I told you, the majority are great. Your comments say it all.

Kristi said...

I'm sensitive like that too. But I've been lucky so far. I hear all the big bloggers get hatemail all the time.

I'm not in that category. Thankfully.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I have also been victim of the anonymous comment drive by! I would be lying if I said it did not really hurt my feelings.

I left you a comment earlier, but I can not seem to master word verification! UGH!

I think you are great!

david santos said...

Hello!
This text is very good
Tanj you

creative-type dad said...

Your first, eh?

You just have to let it roll off your back. Some people misread a lot of stuff just because they're car won't start - and it's your fault!

Nancy said...

I like being a small-time blogger if it means I don't get those hateful anonymous comments. (Fortunately I haven't so far...)

That said, I don't blame you at all for being mad. But please don't let one anonymous creep turn you off of the blog world. There's a lot of good folks out here, and most of us do have the guts to sign our names and the courtesy not to write hateful stuff. :-)

Terri said...

OMG that would hurt my feelers too!!

and you're right, sometimes in e~mails people do read it different than what you meant...

that just happened to me recently and I was crushed ... now I think this person doesn't like me ... I bummed for days and actually I'm still buggin..

It's crazy how this all works...

b/c really ... we don't "know these people"...

but we NEVER EVER WANT TO OFFEND ANYONE EITHER!

It's maddening when they are pissed & offended and you're like "WAIT!! I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY" ... but they're still irritated w/ you. Drives me batty.. but I'm way sensitive that way...

Sorry girl..
I can feel your pain...
someday you'll forget about it.

SuperSnark said...

Surfed over from Zero Boss! Hi!

IMHO you needn't worry about the Drive-By Nasty. I've been there - targeted by someone I have never even heard of and, naive me, tried to defend myself. The more I engaged, the worse it got. Finally figured out that a rational, sincere response does not work. They do what they do because they live for the reaction - and it speaks volumes when they do it anonymously. And some of 'em are truly nuckin' futs.

I don't pretend to understand the mentality. I've never left an anonymous comment, and if I don't like a blog, I simply move on; if it's a blog I read but disagree with a certain point, I can state that civilly. The Drive-By type isn't capable, as you've seen.

Janet has a great suggestion on the hit counter; you can get one free at sitemeter.com.

I don't even know you, but I'm gonna BEG BEG BEG you to ignore them and keep right on blogging. That's the best revenge.

Long Island Dad said...

Don't sweat it! If they don't have the guts to leave their name they're not worth an ounce of your energy! Sometimes Anon comments are left just to get a rise out of you! We've all had them! I delete them and never give it a second thought! Don't you dare go anywhere Mamma!

Shakey said...

All I have to say is that if someone has a problem with Mamma, have them come see me. And come out from behind the anonymous curtain.

As one of my new favorite Food Network shows likes to say (with a little editing) "Are you ready for a throwdown with Shakey"

Shakey don't like no one messing with Mamma.

Love you babe!

Mamma said...

WOW!!

Thank you guys! Talk about completely reviving my faith in the blogosphere.

And Shakey...guys this is Shakey, Shakey this is EVERYONE. (It's his first named comment--and he called me babe...giggle, giggle)

Love you too my man!!

Nancy said...

Hi! I surfed over here from the Zero Boss.
I have yet to get the mean anon comment, and I hope that when I do get one, because I'm sure I will, that I can handle it well. I hope that you won't give up on the blogosphere. And like a previous commenter stated, definitely get a site meter. Good Luck to you!

Karoli said...

I'm here via The Zero Boss, too. Turn off the anonymous commenting; make 'em accountable.

And if they don't have the guts to own what they say it's not worth worrying about. It's YOUR blog and you don't have to put up with that crap.

My guess? Someone felt like trolling and picked your blog. Here's another piece of unsolicited advice -- don't reward them with a reaction. Just pass it on by and do what you enjoy.

Mark said...

Yo mamma:

One jerk doesn't reprfesent the entirfe blogosphere. The good far outweighs the bad, AFAIC. Hang in there.

http://knockinonthegoldendoor.mu.nu/archives/215996.php

slackermommy said...

I got a troll once and like you I felt so disheartened about blogging because of it. I'm really sensitive about things like that because I would never do that to someone. If I felt strongly about someone's comment then I would email them rather than put it out for everyone to see. Although I've never felt compelled to do it because I'm not someone who gets off on judging others. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I don't get bent out of shape if I don't agree with theirs. These people have to put others down to make themselves feel better about themselves so it's really not even about you. And to do it anonymously reminds me of the class bully who'll kick you under the table while smiling at the teacher.

Peg said...

Hi there! I found you via Plain Jane...I too have gotten a couple of stinging anonymous comments. The most cutting and rude comments by far are those from the anonymous writer. And somehow they seem even worse because we sensitive souls can't help but wonder "who the hell IS that, and what did I say or do to provoke them?" As others have said--consider the source...the self-loathing, cowardly source that lacks the conviction to stand up for their own commentary.

I'm glad I found your blog, Mamma...I like your style!

Kevin Charnas said...

I've spared a little here and there, it's always the spineless anonymous ones that cause the trouble.

Don't deprive us of your voice, just because of one anonymous asshole who criticizes.

It doesn't matter what they think of you, it matters what YOU think of you.

Karen Rani said...

Don't sweat it. I get hate mail and things said to and about me all the time. 99% of the feedback I get from blogging is positive. Now that is something to focus on.

Keep on doing what you're doing! :)
Karen
xo

Attila The Mom said...

Oh Hon, you just HAVE to get a thicker skin.

No matter what you say, there is always SOMEBODY who is going to disagree or have a problem with it.

Those who stick around to read your blog because they enjoy it and YOU might just skip commenting on a particular post if they disagree. Or they might politely view their opinion. The world would be a pretty damn boring place if we were all the same.

By the same token, there are the anonymouses who feel they have to stir the sh*t-pile but are too cowardly to do it face to face. Don't sweat it.

Personally, I have a serious problem with the words "retard" and most recently "fucktard", simply because these are terms that have been flung at my guys over the years.

If someone whose blog I enjoy uses them on a regular basis, I'll email them or say something in comments about how hurtful those terms are. But I'll do it under my own name. If it continues, I'll just go away. Obviously, that blog isn't right for "me".

Blog for yourself. That's why we all do it. Although some might view it as a popularity contest---really, that's just silly.

You can NEVER please all of the people all of the time. Tell that to yourself every day.

Those who enjoy you will keep coming back. Those who don't---well, really---why care? Just not a match.

I'll keep coming back because I think you're adorable. :-)

Mark said...

Oh Hon, you just HAVE to get a thicker skin."

With all due respect to Attila the Mom, I firmly believe that rather than everyone needing to get a thicker skin, a large part of those interacting on the internet should clean up their act and quit acting like shitheads, and expecting the onus to be on others to not let it affect them. That has been my experience and I have recently made a commitment to vastly change my blogging behavior in an effort to only attract those with whom I enjoy interacting to my blog.

And it has worked.

Dawn said...

OMG! I just had to deal with this the first time this week! I reacted the same way you did - at first I was upset and sad and then angry. This person was basically calling me a negligent mom, and when my hubby retorted playfully they CAME BACK and were even more nasty. I turned off the anon comment feature because of it. I don't want to think of my blog in a negative way, and the comments were just making me sick.

Delete, delete, delete. It's not worth it. You rock!

yerdoingitwrong said...

I'm a little late to the party, but I was going through the future MILF blogs and came across this post. I dealt with something like this recently, too. An anonymous jackass decided to do some drive by judging. It made me think that I'm too sensitive to blog and that maybe this isn't for me, but I agree with all of your supporters. Forget that chickenshit (excuse my french) and keep up the good work!! I'm going to peruse the rest of your blog. I'm sure I'll love it. Hang in there, girl!

Jill said...

Eric got a couple of snarky comments on an old post recently too. He didn't really care since he's cooled on blogging anyway. But still! Annoying. Whatever happened to "if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all."

honestpoet said...

I simply don't allow anonymous comments at my blog.

People are rude enough when they're just a username and webpage. When they don't even have that accountability, they're even worse.

Lisa said...

I am so sorry you got a trolling comment. That really sucks. It does take the wind from your sails.

I hope you don't stop blogging because of it. Honestpoet is right. People do seem to feel "ballsy" when they don't have to put their own name behind something.

And honestly, it probably has NOTHING to do with you. I read the blog of a man who's divorced. His ex checks his site several times a day. And she's been known to leave nasty anon comments on the blogs of other women who read his blog and comment. (did that make sense?)