Saturday, February 10, 2007

When?

Thirty-seven is right around the corner and I can't tell you how surprising that is to me. I thought that at thirty-seven I'd have arrived. I thought I'd know a few things. I thought I'd feel like an adult.

But at thirty-six and eleven twelfths, I don't.

Sure career (check), married (check), kids (check), house (check), book club (check), some grey hairs (check). It certainly looks like thirty-seven doesn't it.

But on the inside, it's a whole other story!

On the best of days I'm still shocked that I have been entrusted with children. At work as a consultant, I still giggle at the idea that people pay ME to tell them what to do. On the not so best of days, I'm not so sure where I am is where I want to be and I worry that this is not at all what I had in mind but I might just be stuck with it...and then I panic.

Is this what it's going to be forever? Is it too late to change? But I didn't know then what I know now. It might have made some different decisions. But I didn't! What do I do?!

And then all of the sudden it feels like I'm twenty-two again without any idea of what to do iwth my life. More accurately probably it feels a bit like seventeen, except that at seventeen I thought I knew everything!

When will I feel like the confident grown-up? When? Because just now it finally feels like I have enough information to decide where to go. But I've already gotten pretty far down the road.

8 Deserve Mamma's Love:

Diana said...

We're in the same boat, but I don't think either of us have paddles.

What I do think--for me, at least--is thirty-seven feels so much better (and by "better" I mean it's synonymous with "I'm-less-crazy") than twenty-whatever.

Though when I was in my twenties, I wouldn't have thunk it possible.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

I still feel like a teenager...I never will grow up.

Oh, The Joys said...

Sounds a lot like 39 too!

Terri said...

Sounds a lot like fffforty... something... :-)

I still feel like I'm 12!

Jill said...

I'm the opposite. I'm very confident in my grown-up-ness. I'm one of those boring people who was made to be a grown-up. But sometimes, I think it will be fun when I grow out of some of the intense work/family balancing I do now. 50 sounds like a pretty good age to be. More me time. Maybe with a little botox on the side for good measure.

Kevin Charnas said...

Sounds very familiar...you're not alone, my sweets.

Attila The Mom said...

I'm not sure that feeling ever goes away....

:-)

Housewife said...

I'll be 37 in March and for the first time in my life I know who I am, where I'm supposed to be, where I'm meant to go and I have the map to get there.

But I'm sure tomorrow I'll sober up and be up shit's creek again.

Most of us could copy and paste this blog entry, we all feel the same.