Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Brother for Sale

From the same guy who brought us this, I submit the email my brother received today (and which we as his sisters were carbon copied).

Hi there Son,

I was in the grocery store line yesterday looking over the magazines for gossip, and there in that inimitable publication "The National Enquirer" was the news that Rachel Ray is getting divorced--is she a great prospect, or WHAT!!

Her husband--soon to be ex--is asking for the modest sum of $500 million for settlement, so you can detect that she can easily absorb the cost of a wedding. So CALL HER UP, and ASK HER OUT--I suspect it's been some time since she dated a rocket scientist*, so she should be receptive, even enthusiastic.

An aside, in case you don't know about Rachel, she is a young (?30-35) woman who has at least one (perhaps two) TV cooking shows, has written books on Italian cooking, travels the world doing feature shows on cooking in different countries and is very attractive, personable, and engaging. Her only possible weakness is that I have never seen her demonstrate compelling cookie cooking skills, an imperative--nay, mandatory--cooking strength. (This is not important since we can all help her with the cookies if she becomes part of the family--Hee-Hee.)

After all, sons-in-law are terrific, but really all they do is work and get fed and grumble that it's time to go. What we need in the Hurst family is a prospective daughter-in-law immersed in a long (but formal) engagement to keep her alert as to how best to please her aging prospective father-in-law. The occasional dutiful hug and kiss is fine, but we're talking ITALIAN COOKING here, and LOTSA dough for pasta AND travel expenses.

In addition to your status as a rocket scientist, I think you could also truly capture her interest if you told her your spaghetti sauce is better than hers--and then if neither of you are impressed after the first few dates you could at least get some wonderful recipes... While I have not consulted everyone, I am certain the remainder of the family joins me in this recommendation with the same unbridled enthusiasm.

Lotsa love, your old Dad

So then I asked dear old Dad if I could post his letter on my blog and here was his response:

Amie, glad you liked it, I think we all have to join to keep steady gentle pressure on such a timid family member. Of course you can post it on your blog, and I don't care about the whether you use my name or not--however, perhaps you should use your brother's name AND Email, since with such a blog as you manage he might turn up a whole HOST of prospects--all of us know that NOTHING gets the attention of Moms more than a stray single male... Lotsa love, Dad

I'm thinking he might want my brother to settle down. Any funny, cool, athletic, nice, women in the greater Houston, TX area want a date with a handsome 40 year-old NASA scientist??

And apparently, my dad would also prefer it if you were a good cook.

*in the spirit of semi-disclosure, my dear brother is involved in space medicine.

24 Deserve Mamma's Love:

Misa Gracie said...

your poor brother - I do the same for my sister all of the time. And she hates it.

Good luck on the search! If you turn up any good recipes be sure to share!!

Julie Pippert said...



Okay since he's a rocket scientist---is he civil servant or private sector?---we must find him a woman in the healthcare profession (especially if he's a civil servant).

I know TONS of FANTASTIC women who fit that description. Oh wait, the one I just thought of who is AWESOME...she's an architect. I don't know if that will work.

He probably knows all the same people I know so tell him he is invited to our big time Halloween party, band too.

Oh and if he ever worked for my family? It's *not my fault.*

Using My Words

Julie Pippert said...

P.S. Your dad is HILARIOUS!!

Using My Words

Anonymous said...

Makes me wish I lived in Texas.

And single of course.

Special K ~Toni said...

HILARIOUS! Your brother sounds like a good catch, what's wrong with him?? ;)

becky s said...

i think i love your dad. that is awesome.

Nancy said...

Sounds like Dad is pimpin' your bro out!

Post a pic of brother =)

Anonymous said...

Sorry, but Rachel Ray is older than 35 years old. I think she is pushing 40, which is not bad in my opinion.

Can your brother really take hearing, "Yum-O" all the time. Italian cooking is so easy, I am sure you can find someone less annoying than RR.

You know what gets a lot of looks, your brother in a box on the side of the road with a sign that says "Free to good home. Italian cooking preferably." Well, it works with my kids when I have had enough of them.

Kristin said...

Listen, the hell with your brother - I want to hook up with your dad!!

Lawyer Mama said...

OK, I'm feeling a bit sorry for your brother. The PRESSURE! LOL!

I bet you could auction him off on your blog sight unseen. Your dad could screen the candidates by cooking skills and wealth.

Marty, a.k.a. canape said...

I have one word for your brother.


Can you make that happen?

Whit said...

does your brother know what goes on here?

Gunfighter said...

Your brother could help me coach soccer. Single soccer moms all over the place where I live.

Anonymous said...

Too funny!!!

Marie Green said...

Funny! Sounds like a cool family.

Bayou Belle said...

unbelievable but absolutely hilarious! Your dad rocks!

I have a single 37 year old brother. Can he find him prospects too?

Tilly said...

What a wonderful father - thinking of the greater good of the family. That's true dedication.

As for my brother, it's not lack of women that's a problem - it's lack of SANE women. He is a magnet for every psychotic lady in the county.

Anonymous said...

I love your dad and your bro sounds like quite a catch. Photos please!

Lisa said...

Oh my gosh. He sounds amazing. (I totally love the smarty-smart guys.) But I don't cook. But I can microwave and buy pizza dough.

Oh. I forgot. I'm married. Nevermind.

YOu know... My hubby's ex girlfriend is a brain surgeon in Houston, Tx. If you want more info, you know who to call...

Anonymous said...

as a buddy of his I can attest to the fact he's good with power tools, knows his way around a kitchen, and more than capable of carrying an engaging conversation with women and kids and dogs. No hang ups that my wife and I have seen... Easy to have around and be around. Go figure.

Cara said...

Your poor brother. Your father sound like he is looking for a cook.
Even funnier is he thought you posting the note would improve the odds.
Tell your brother to hang in there!

Unknown said...

"good with power tools, knows his way around a kitchen, and more than capable of carrying an engaging conversation with women and kids and dogs"

If you can tell me he also knows his way around a laundry room, I might just leave my husband for him!

Anonymous said...

I really think you'd have more success with this if you added 10 free I-tunes.

Anonymous said...

This is great info to know.