Thursday, May 31, 2007

She Disappeared

She was the temporarily single mom of theree boys. Not all of them were in school, yet none of them napped any longer. And it was a holiday weekend.

As she stepped into the shower on Tuesday, she couldn't recall if she had managed to squeeze one in since her amazingly wonderul saint of a husband (because he eventually returned) had left in the dawning light of Friday morning.

She was gross.

She could remember haircuts for all the boys, a trip to Sephora with all the boys (stupid, stupid woman), baseball games, baseball practices, trips to the grocery store, hours at the pool and cleaning, but she couldn't remember a shower.

It must not have occured (gross).

When she massaged the shampoo into her hair no suds formed. "Yeah, that's dirty," she thought. Another glob of shampoo and the thoughts too soon washed away as she enjoyed the warm water.

And the quiet.

And being alone.

And being clean.

CRASH! The bathroom door slams open. "Hi Mom!" Well that seven minutes of silence is over.

As she toweled off she considered the options for greeting her husband upon his return that evening. She narrowed it down to two.

1. Immediately drop to her knees and give him the best blow job of gratitude she could muster.

or

2. Greet him with a big hug and a kiss and never let on that he really could do ANYTHING as long as he never permanently left her by herself with three young boys.

She figured #2 was the smarter option, since she'd needed to maintain some leverage. But he did get some play the next morning.

********************************************

I bend to my knees in pious admiration to all of you single parents, though I won't be including oral sex with it.

Sorry.

23 Deserve Mamma's Love:

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

Ha. Blowjobs are never an option...Unless those cute new shoes you want are on sale...tee hee

dana said...

I'm such a selfish wife. I dislike the act of blowjobs unless I'm doing the deed on my terms. It must be a control issue...

Hah. I can't believe I just admitted that.

Slackermommy said...

Thank God you didn't blow him because then I would feel guilty for not blowing mine in a very long time. I also have a lot of respect for single parents. My hubby travels a lot. I feel like a single mom sometimes but at least I have someone who comes home to give me a break.

Mike M said...

Great Post! Great Blog!!

I will be back for more
-0-0-

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I'm with Janet......though I have felt like you when Mr. Mayhem has been away on trips!

I simply do not know how single parents do it.....I suppose it is because they have no other choice....but I could not!

Here's to more frequent showers in your future! :) ( and less frequent BJ's.........hee-hee)

Em said...

I guess I'm not ever gone from home long enough to qualify for...well...anyway...

Glad he is home and all is well. Single parents amaze me with their ability to do it all.

Jennifer said...

The thought of my husband leaving me alone with my teo sends shivers down my spine!

Rachael said...

:-) I am a single momma, and this post made me snort Diet Coke straight out of my nose...!! Glad you maintained your leverage... we women, single or not, are certainly the smarter of the sexes.

Lawyer Mama said...

I hate, hate, HATE it when the hubs is out of town. Life is so much harder!

Oh, The Joys said...

ha ha ha!! That is hilarious - great post, Amie!

Worker Mommy said...

What if when you say he can do "anything" he says "I want a blowjob"

HaHa

Funny stuff :)

Mitch McDad said...

GOT TO GO WITH OPTION 1!!!! But what would you expect me to say?

Chris H said...

I know how single parents do it... HARD!!! And I don't mean anything naughty by that!!! I was on my own with 4 kids for 7 months before I met my 2nd husband, and I hate it when he goes away... it's so hard! Know exactly how you felt... I can't even stand him going away for 1 night! Hope he's a happy hubby after his homecoming....

Kevin Charnas said...

What about spankings? Would you include spankings?

Pendullum said...

Spanking? Did Kevin just ask you to spank him??/

Glad you husband is home... 3 boy??? You are a brave, strong, strong,did I say STRONG? woman and I am so unworthy to read this blog....

Seattle Mamacita said...

i love how you wrote this like a narrative..great piece...absence does make the heart grow fonder

Lotta said...

Amen - I couldn't do it. The single parenting I mean. The blowjob...eh not so much but I'll fork it over every so often.

MamaLee said...

Welcome to my world as a single mom for 4 days every week.

And hubby makes MORE work for me when he's here, not LESS.

Have some wine and let HIM pamper YOU!

Gunfighter said...

You know... there are just so many things to say to this, but I'll stick to the safe stuff.

Single parents have a hard time of it, no question.

I was raised by a single mother. It sucked.

MommaK said...

Okay...note to self:

Do not let husband read this blog.

;-)

Ruth Dynamite said...

Three boys vs. one mom. Yikes! Glad you survived!

Jill said...

You are a good woman. The only thing between my lips upon my husband's return would be the words "Your Turn!"

Attila The Mom said...

Hahahahahahaha!