Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Damn That Last Water!

I've been low on post ideas, hence my infrequent visits to your reader, however the mighty Blog Goddess saw fit to bless me with an event last night that just demanded to be blogged.

We're wrapping up the Little League regular season here in VA. Now Mamma Loves baseball, but it does mean that I visit the ball fields 4-5 times a week with our two players.

The thing about the ball fields you see is that when nature calls a woman has few options.

I did give that bottle of water a second thought before I took it out of the refrigerator at work to drink on the way to the game. I did weigh the possibility of having to use the dreaded Don's John. But I was thirsty.

Some time in the bottom of the second inning I couldn't wait. It was time to brave the Bacteria Bin.

The lights were on at the field and when I got inside and closed the door I realized it was really dark inside that potty. I was wearing my work clothes and I was a bit concerned about my pants touching the floor, so I hitched them before pulling them down from my waist.

You know I totally squatted cause there ain't no way any part of me is touching any of this latrine. Everything was going well. Pants hiked up. Perfect squatting position achieved and bladder emptying.

Then I tried to maneuver for some toilet paper--while I maintained my position.

What happened next was all such a blur. I guess I lost my balance. Next thing I know pee is ricocheting off the toilet and spraying the backs of my legs and running down my ankles. I couldn't make it stop. I couldn't readjust. I couldn't keep the pants up, the squat maintained and find the target. I was frantic. And I was covered in pee!

And it was only the second inning. And it was humid.

I managed to blot out most of the dripping parts (mostly the hem of my pants) and luckily the pants were black and so the wetness was not noticeable. I hurried to my car just to collect my thoughts. I could go home and change, but it was a tournament game and how was I supposed to explain my running off to change. Besides, us baseball parents? We're weird and superstitious. The team always wins when I'm in my work clothes. I couldn't change.

The pants weren't as bad as I first thought, so I made my way back to the game. I am happy to report that Mr. 10's team won and will continue on in the tournament. I'm also pretty sure I'm the only one who noticed that I smelled like a Port-O-Potty (remember the humidity?). It's that or the other parents on the team just have really nice manners.

25 Deserve Mamma's Love:

Absolutely Bananas said...

AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! This is so terrible I almost couldn't finish reading it! My worst nightmare! Oh boy better you than me, since you handled it like a CHAMP! My sympathies, for sure!!

karrie said...

Bacteria bin? snort!

At least it did not tip over. I've accidentally peed on myself while trying not to touch anything too. Yuck.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I have issues with squatting and they stem from a similar situation!

I would divulge the details...but my therapist suggests that it is too painful without my meds! :)

ICK....sounds like you made the best of a bad situation!

MamaLee said...

Please forgive me for laughing so loud.

Wait. What is that smell?

LOL

Lawyer Mama said...

Baaaaahaaaaa! It's good to know I'm not the only one who's done that while trying to squat. My event also involved a porta potty and I was out in the middle of nowhere in a dress for a steeplechase horse race. Nowhere to hide. ARGH! Now I'll have nightmares tonight!

Em said...

Do I laugh or do I feel sympathy? Okay, laughing now. Glad the team won...and thanks for sharing this most embarrassing moment!

Gunfighter said...

Mamma,

I know that we are at the beginning of our bloggy friendship, but I hope you won't mind my saying that you had me bellowing with laughter with this!

Too funny... and you handled it so well.

You just have to respct the luck when it comes to youth sports.

Out final soccer game is this saturday, and if our luck hopls, we will be the only undefeated team in our league!.

GF

canape said...

I would rather be covered in my own pee than the pee of strangers any day.

Still though, ew.

Glad the team won!

DangerDoll: said...

Oh my God, I'm rolling!!! Too funny and yes, it DEMANDED to be blogged!

Jennifer Playgroupie said...

Ewww! I hate port-a-potties. Something similar may or may not have happened to me, too...

Thanks for sharing your funny story!

moodswingingmommy said...

Oh, the horror! I'm glad you decided to laugh (and make others laugh) instead of cry.

Kelly said...

OMG! That is so gross! Poor you. I can't imagine. Oh yes I can...which is why I always hold it, no matter what.

Oh, The Joys said...

You make me feel like I am not alone in the world. Thank you for that.

www.nolanotes.com said...

Ever since I was a child, I have this horrid fear of public restrooms. Port-o-lets are the worst. You have all my sympathy.

And, hey, maybe you are right about your superstitions!

Damn good thing they did win!

MommaK said...

Ewwwww..those smelly piss pens are the worst!! We have to deal with them at soccer at this point I start gagging before I even open the door.

Can't we get a women's portopotty???

Worker Mommy said...

So funny. Well I'm sure it wasn't at the time of course.

I know the humidity of which you speak. I grew up in Annandale. Of all the days right! ?

Port a pottys are the worst. I'd almost rather find a bush to pee behind. Those things make me wretch

Attila The Mom said...

Aaaaiiigghhhhhhh!!!!!

Slackermommy said...

Oh, I have so done that! I just can't seem to master the squatting pee.

Dorky Dad said...

I have two words for you, Mamma:

Adult.

Diaper.

Hey ... it's better than one of those disgusting porta-johns. Yuck. Those things are gross. Especially those in open urban parks. God knows what kind of unnatural acts are performed in those things. I don't want to think about it.

Beth said...

You experienced the nightmare I've dreaded any time I've had to use a port-o-potty or outhouse.
Great blog fodder. I'm still smiling at the visual!

Ally said...

Hey there, I'm stopping by via OTJ's ROFL award to you. Great post! What a gross and hilarious thing; thanks to the Blog Goddess for sending this experience your way. :)

moosh in indy. said...

Oh honey, OTJ was right. That needs to be in a movie. I'm part of a pee pee sisterhood, welcome to the ranks girl.

Queen Heather said...

Oh dear! What a peeing adventure!

Carla said...

Whew! Glad it was tournament time. Otherwise wouldn't you have to wear the same black pants and pee on them at every game?! Superstition is a tricky thing.

Mimi said...

too funny!

Hopefully peeing on yourself won't become a superstion for the team to win....