Monday, November 10, 2008

The Naked JellyBean

Today I described how I see myself in my mind's eye as a naked, flesh-colored jelly bean.

I'm not sure that this is a description that will mean anything to anyone else. I'm not sure it's exactly the vision I have, but it comes closest. Maybe you'd get a better idea if I added that it's probably one of those gross booger-flavored jelly beans from Harry Potter--I've steered clear of Jelly Belly's in fear of getting one of those ever since I read the first book.

Why a naked jelly bean?

It's mostly the amorphous blob shape, I imagine.

When I told my friend this he laughed and shook his head at me.

Last night I had the chance to talk to a childhood friend who told me that she always thought I was the "together" one. We were in 5th grade the last time we saw each other. How could I have been "together" in 5th grade? I'll tell you what, I wasn't.

But this is a trend. People often think I look like I know what I'm doing. A lot of times I do. But many times I don't. Many times I feel like I'm the only person in the room who doesn't have it all together.

I don't know why I'm telling you this. I probably shouldn't, but I can't get the image of the naked, flesh-colored jelly bean out of my head.

Oh yeah, and I'm way jealous of people with good handwriting.

12 Deserve Mamma's Love:

One Goddess said...

how funny! as i was writing you this morning, i too reflected on you as being together! that is how i remember you!

Ndinombethe said...

You're not alone - I'm the other person in the room thinking "How does everyone else know what's going on? How come I never realised before that I'm a complete moron?"

Anonymous said...

I definitely have that imposter syndrome, too. And you are my favorite kind of jelly bean.

Stimey said...

You do come across as having it together. I think it's common to think that about ourselves, that we are flailing. But we also learn to cover it well.

You're way more beautiful than a jelly bean.

Anonymous said...

Oh God! I always hate it when people say that I am together and confident. I think in my head who am I fooling, them or me? It's so weird how your outer and inner selves can be so conflicted, ya know?

And if you are a jelly bean, you are most definitely bubble gum, sugary and delicious. (and, no, I'm not coming on to you!)

You have AWESOME handwriting by the way. I've always thought that you have "cool girl" handwriting!

Anonymous said...

I agree. You DO come across as being very together.

PS - Everybody hates their body.

Anonymous said...

Do people still write things by hand? I send myself e-mails.

PFunky said...

okay, this is my third try posting a message...what is WRONG with me??? you are no jellybean, but a muffin on the outside and a JALAPENO PEPPER on the inside, baby! you have got it together and can manage a family, a career PLUS you are one of the few people who i can sit in a room with white walls and nothing else to do and still stay up all night! don't forget that spicy side, no matter what you think! oh, and i would kill for your eyes...


Queen of the Mayhem said...

People often make the same mistake about me.

The funniest one I hear is,"You seem so confident!" Me....the most self conscious, neurotic, and paranoid person on the planet.....confident? Not likely!

If it makes you feel better...I never thought you had your sh*t together! (hee-hee)

BigFamilyMom said...

found you

furiousBall said...

it's amazing how much more in control everyone seems from the outside. that self confidence is almost 100% of the time some sort of front, the few that actually are as self assured as they seem are either actual happy people or assholes.

Anonymous said...

Dude, I'm a total phony. People think I have my act together, and I don't even have the energy to say pshaw anymore. I do think I have good handwriting so I guess I have that going for me.