She Disappeared

She was the temporarily single mom of theree boys. Not all of them were in school, yet none of them napped any longer. And it was a holiday weekend.

As she stepped into the shower on Tuesday, she couldn't recall if she had managed to squeeze one in since her amazingly wonderul saint of a husband (because he eventually returned) had left in the dawning light of Friday morning.

She was gross.

She could remember haircuts for all the boys, a trip to Sephora with all the boys (stupid, stupid woman), baseball games, baseball practices, trips to the grocery store, hours at the pool and cleaning, but she couldn't remember a shower.

It must not have occured (gross).

When she massaged the shampoo into her hair no suds formed. "Yeah, that's dirty," she thought. Another glob of shampoo and the thoughts too soon washed away as she enjoyed the warm water.

And the quiet.

And being alone.

And being clean.

CRASH! The bathroom door slams open. "Hi Mom!" Well that seven minutes of silence is over.

As she toweled off she considered the options for greeting her husband upon his return that evening. She narrowed it down to two.

1. Immediately drop to her knees and give him the best blow job of gratitude she could muster.

or

2. Greet him with a big hug and a kiss and never let on that he really could do ANYTHING as long as he never permanently left her by herself with three young boys.

She figured #2 was the smarter option, since she'd needed to maintain some leverage. But he did get some play the next morning.

********************************************

I bend to my knees in pious admiration to all of you single parents, though I won't be including oral sex with it.

Sorry.

It Has Come to My Attention

There is just a little over eight weeks until BlogHer 2007. I will be going to Chicago, sans kiddos, to tear up the town. The lovely Canape and I will be sharing a room, so I'll have a place to hide when I just can't shake Jessica (she swears she's going to stalk me, but we all know she won't be able to see me over the crowds that will surround her wherever she goes).

Anyway, the reason I'm so excited to be going (besides the fact that Canape is going to do my make-up) is the opportunity I'm going to have to meet in person (I hope) many of the incredible women I've gotten to know over the past ten months or so of blogging. They've made me laugh, cry, snort, think, recoil in horror, sing a song and cheer.

I know a trip to Chicago may not be in the budget for everyone, and if this is the case with you I want you to know how much you'll be missed. There are still others that I know would like to go but might not have a spouse that understands how important this conference is to them (shout out to Shakey for being incredibly understanding on this point). For this reason, I'm starting a petition.

See, I want to see Janet there.

Mr. Wonder Mom needs to know just how important blogging is to his wife, what an amazing network of women you are and how many of us want to meet his magnificent wife (why should he get to keep her all to himself?). So please add your name to this petition by leaving a comment to this post. And if you need us to get a petition started for you, just send me an email.

What are you waiting for? Read the statement and get commenting already!

We, the undersigned, think Janet aka Wonder Mom is indeed wonderful and we would grately appreciate the opportunity to spend time with her in Chicago at the BlogHer conference. Please find a way to make it possible for her to attend. You don't want an army of crazy bloggers after you now, do you?

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Signed,
The Women of the Blogoverse

My Boys Are Difficult to Understand

Mr. 10: "Mom, when are you going to dye your hair again? It's getting really grey."

I hate it how they're so cryptic.