Thursday, November 15, 2007

NaBloPoMo--I'm Showing Cracks

I got nothing. And with nothing I should probably just stop right here, but I don't think I will. I will warn you here that I'm in a pissy-ass (is that hyphenated?) mood, and EVERYTHING is annoying the crap out of me right now.

Like what you ask?

Well!

Mamma DOES NOT Love...

Public speakers who mispronounce words that they must use regularly. Example: Woman conducting my weekend birthing class who kept saying "cervEx." Seriously, the baby hadn't crossed mine yet, but I was pretty sure it was a fucking "i" in the word, hon.

Freakin' reality shows. This is no dis to the Dancing with Stars, American Idol, Project Runway folks. But I CANNOT understand who these women are who will go pimp themselves out to some "bachelor" of negligible pedigree. Are you that desperate for attention? Honestly, you're obviously beautiful. Do you really want to get married to some guy who had to resort to a television show to meet someone? Listen girl. That kind of guy is going to take longer than you to get ready in the morning.

Skinny women who complain that they're too small to wear XS in a particular brand of clothing. There is nothing more that needs to be said about that. YES, I am the bitter fat girl!

Oh and those of you with perfect marriages and perfect children that are always well-behaved and always clean and who clean your house for you while you sleep in on Saturday morning. Yeah, you piss me off too.

People with a basement. Okay, I'm getting carried away here, but I have shit everywhere in my house and I could really use a basement to store some of it.

I'm stopping now, because next on my list will probably be three-legged cats and girls named Tifini with an "i." And there is no reason to take my bad mood out on little fluffy things.

22 Deserve Mamma's Love:

coolbeans said...

I have a basement.

Neener.

Bananas said...

ha HA! I like you when you're pissy.

Katrina said...

Yeah! *shakes fist in the air*

I am right there with ya...especially on the skinny bleeping twigs and perfect folk points.

Blog Antagonist said...

I don't have a basement and my kids are always filthy. Oh, and the cervix, thing? Yeah. I would have had to put a stop to that immediately.

We are kindred spirits, no?

M said...

I might be wrong but when we were in our pre-natal classes, back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth (1990) HA! The nurse always said " sonameters" instead of "centimeters" and it just always annoyed the heck out of me! And those classes? Breath my a**, bring me the meds!

Harried Mom of 3 said...

Mamma, you've got a great place to vent!!

I'm not with you on the reality shows though. Bring on desperate beautiful girls...makes me feel so much better about my own life!

Peg said...

I hear you...big time! I'm not a fan of the bachelor shows--the fur gets to be a-flyin' while the guy sits back and watches the ensuing drama and then deigns to make a selection. Ick.

Hey I've got space in my basement...you're welcome to it ;)

Wendy said...

Oh and those of you with perfect marriages and perfect children that are always well-behaved and always clean and who clean your house for you while you sleep in on Saturday morning. Yeah, you piss me off too.

Sing it to me, sistah. My husband keeps telling me about all these perfect wives who are always up for sex and never yell at their husbands. I say go find one, but remember half of everything you own stays with me. Oh hell, I will take the other half for the kids, too.

I am bitter, because I was deathly sick, yesterday and the hubs couldn't even give me a phone call to say that he wouldn't be home at the time he agreed to be.

Okay, your pissy-assness has rubbed off on me, now.

Sue Doe-Nim said...

I have no basement, wear a size 6, own a FILTHY car, consistently pronounce words correctly (it's simple because my vocabulary is limited), my marriage is good but Mr. Nim still won't buy me a dog so I guess I'm imperfect enough to maintain our special friendship.

And reality shows? Darlin' they pay the bills. Maybe you should Tivo them or something.... ya' know the whole stock options thing..

RED LOTUS MAMA said...

OMG ... you slay me! I was nodding in agreement and giggling the entire time I was reading your post. GAWD, I want a basement too!

RED LOTUS MAMA said...

OMG ... you slay me! I was nodding in agreement and giggling the entire time I was reading your post. GAWD, I want a basement too!

~JJ! said...

I agree whole heartedly with it all except the reality shows...

If you wanna pimp yourself out and look like a complete asswad...the better mind-less programming for me to watch.

PunditMom said...

At least tomorrow you can bitch about me! ;)

Oh, The Joys said...

People with basements made me fall off my chair laughing.

witchypoo said...

You forgot public officials and newscasters who pronounce "nuclear" as "noo-cu-lar"
I'm talking to you, George W, bush.
(with a small "b" just to fly under the radar of the bushwacker police)

Paige Jennifer said...

I live for shitty reality TV. Thirty minutes of I Love New York in VH1 and I'm in heaven.

Lawyer Mama said...

I would kill for a basement. Unfortunately, I live below sea level. That frequently pisses me off.

Right now, I'm just really friggin pissed off at my client who had this stupid crisis that means I'm sitting here reading blogs instead of out partying with you.

Damn. it.

Truly said...

What about radio newscasters who can't properly enunciate the letter L? There should be a litmus test.

And I had that "perfect" family - it was a sham ("but you were the happiest couple we knew!"). You know who's perfect? The parents who raise kids who enjoy their teachers' twisted senses of humor (you must post about that).

Nola said...

Oh, man. Now I want a basement, too. I never thought about one, never having had one . . . We here in NOLA only hear about them when serial killers are found to have put the bodies there. But now that I think of it, you must be able to store all kinds of crap in one. I WANT A BASEMENT, dammit!

Thanks, now I am in a pissy mood too. ;(

witchypoo said...

I'm afraid of basements...

canape said...

People with a basement.

I just wet my pants.

Kristen said...

My personal favorite--"pacifically," not to be confused with "atlantically."