Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Tales of Gail and Toothpaste

What do Gail and toothpaste have in common? Not much that I know of though I'm willing to bet that Gail uses it regularly. She's clean that way. But I need to talk about both of these things today.

First Gail.

A big thanks to everyone who has said hi. I'm sorry if I confused anyone. Gail doesn't have a blog (yet), but I'm trying to get her to start one. It would be filled with LOTS of juicy gossip I promise you. She just sent me some good stuff about my highschool friemesis. Heh.

Requests were made for a good Gail story. Unfortunately I don't have specific story to tell, but rather an effect to report. First you must understand that Mamma's Mamma is a bit of a goodie-goodie. She never smoked cigarettes, she never did drugs--except that one time she says my aunt made "marijuana cookies" and "you know how I just can't resist cookies. But I don't see what all the hype is. I just felt sleepy." Yep. That's my mom. She does enjoy her one martini a day, but she's not a big drinker either.

Unless she's out with Gail.

Mom, Gail and their two friends have labeled themselves the Fab Four. They get together once a month or so for a girl's night out (I'm sure this was Gail's idea). Now you see I have Gail to thank for loosening my Mamma up.

I called down to say hi during their annual girl's weekend and what did I find? My mamma giggling her ass off. Apparently the girls had been drinking for quite some time and Gail had just whipped out the cigars (and Gail if it wasn't you--don't burst my bubble now). My mamma (remember goodie-goodie girl?) started smoking a CIGAR!

So how can I not love a woman who can get the goodie-goodie girl to be bad? Ah, a true mentor!

As for the toothpaste...

There are many uses for toothpaste. There's, well, cleaning your teeth. And yet, there is so much more. According to the folks over at ThriftyFun.com you can use it for fixing DVDs, cleaning your jewelry and clearing up acne. It also works well as spackle and for hanging posters.

There is one thing though I'm pretty sure toothpaste should not be used near, and that my friends is your clitoris. Yep, I said it.

I'm not sure, poor Google searcher, how the terms "clitoris and toothpaste" led you to me, but if you want my opinion on the matter here it is.

Don't come near my nethers with toothpaste!

I understand that you may be looking for a cheap way to accomplish this, but please listen to Gloria Brame (and she's a sex therapist, you know) "I HATED IT- burn, burn, burn."

That is all I have to say about that.

14 Deserve Mamma's Love:

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

Just think of that 'minty fresh feeling' you can get from said toothpaste in your nethers...Bwahhahaha...

Toni said...

Never thought to use it down there. Won't be trying either.

mamatulip said...

Clitoris and toothpaste?!

Seriously, I have to wonder what the heck people are thinking sometimes when they type into that Google box. I'm keeping a list of some of the more 'eclectic' ones I'm getting and some of them are really high up on the eclectic scale.

Kelly said...

Seriously! This story makes me want to check my google searches...or does it?

Oh and BTW...I'm loving Gail too. Can you send her to my mom's?

Wendy said...

Toothpaste is, also, good for bug bites, you know the itchy kind. Although it is not good for you fashion sense.

Oh, The Joys said...

So you are all squeaky clean and minty then?

Jason said...

Friemesis. Brilliant. I love language. You tend to abuse it nicely, Mamma.

viciousrumours said...

I can personally vouche for toothpaste as acne cure and as spackle. As acne cure it has to be the regular old mint kind..nothing fancy. As for the clitoris thing...yeah, what the hell is that all about?

canape said...

Um, I have a Tingle Tip, but you don't use toothpaste with it. . .

Peg said...

egads!! Some of the searches that bring folks to my blog via google totally boggle my mind!

Gail really needs to get a blog! C'mon, Gail! Join the fun! Share the gossip!

Kevin Charnas said...

gum and pubics don't mix either.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

That makes me want to squirm.....and not in a good way!



There is this cream I bought at a Fun party....but that is a story for another day! (GOOD STUFF)

I need to go find the post about Gail!

Jill said...

Goodie-goodie mamas are the best kind to have. Although they probably don't have much insight on the toothpaste question.

Dorky Dad said...

Excellent. So someone looking for clitoris toothpaste came by your blog? That's just awesome.

Google searches are hilarious when you don't know what people are looking for.