Thursday, June 11, 2009

Dear Small People in My Bed

Dear Small People* Who Climb into Bed with me at Night,

It sends warm fuzzy feelings directly to my heart just thinking about the fact that the most comforting thing to you is to sleep nestled up against me.

BUT, we must have some rules. Trust me, following these will come in handy later in life. I can’t get into the WHY now, but I promise. I’m your mom. Would I lie to you?

  1. Humans lie PARALLEL to each other in bed.

  2. Limbs are to remain still--even during dream state. Flinging and flailing of extremities is strictly prohibited.

  3. Wetting the bed is not appreciated—especially when you leave your co-sleeper with the wet spot to sleep in.

  4. All nails must be trimmed neatly. Drawing blood is highly frowned upon by most except for the random girls who read Twilight one too many times and really?? That trend will be tired by the time you’re old enough to understand what a freak your mom is for giving you these helpful hints for “co-sleeping.”
Love,
Mom**

*No! I’m not talking about THOSE little people, I finished with that phase back in '97. Jeez, keep up!

**The same mom who worries weekly about the kind of mate you will make later in life, and winces just a little each day for the men or women who might have to live with your love of fart humor and inability to pee INTO the toilet.

13 Deserve Mamma's Love:

Magpie said...

Can we add, with all heads lined up, to your first bullet?

I frequently find my child in bed between us, with her head at the foot and her feet in my face. Luckily, her feet don't smell...

Mamma said...

Oooh! Magpie. Good add.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I am going to post these rules by my pillow.

Once they can read this should really clear things up.

PunditMom said...

PunditGirl doesn't know from parallel. So what good did it do to teach them the beginnings of geometric shapes this year! ;O

Seriously, sometimes it's like having an octopus in bed with me!

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

THIS is why Declan is banished from our bed. I am a MEAN MOM.

Paige Jennifer said...

I shared a bed with my niece one time. One time. Because after having her knee me nonstop and then end up perpendicular to my head with her feet on my chin, I decided never again.

Lisa said...

This post of yours? Awesome! Oh and the "please remain quiet while dreaming." And "if you have to ride your bike to get away from Darth Vader, who's chasing you with a cucumber in a dream, please still try not to move your feet in real life." We had to bannish the boy to his room. Even if only one of us slept in a queen size bed with him, he'd still kick and talk in his sleep.

Heather of the EO said...

HILARIOUS. I love it.

DC Urban Dad said...

So this is what I have to look forward to?

Ilina said...

My son forms the middle of the letter H when he sleeps between us (um, which is like never, for many obvious reasons). And no one likes the wet spot.

Felix said...

Mamma loves
I wish as a mother in need which os also a mother indeed.
Mamma i love you remain intact

Felix said...

great mamma's in the house always give the child the needed informatiom for him/her to grow with.

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