The Man is Obviously Worried About Retirement

Dad's at it again.

Hi there Son,

I am forwarding to you an Email with an article from the NY Times on MADONNA, who is reported to be leaving Warner Brothers for Live Nation, the concert promoter--if it goes through she gets $100 mil, with the first $50 mil to be paid up front. Now this is not as good as the $500 mil that comes with Rachel, but it'll be OK, it'll keep the corporate jet manned and in fuel, and you probably will be able to quit your day job.

You have to admit Madonna is a whole different scene from properly prepared pasta, and you may not have enough energy to accompany her on ALL concert tours, but the benefits would seem enough to grit your teeth and bear it. She is, admittedly, a little old (turns 50 next year), but I would suspect you wouldn't notice it with those intense lights and loud music all the time.

Now, as your father, I would far prefer Rachel, because I can hardly muster the energy to get through a whole Madonna set, whereas my appreciation for Italian food has no discernible limits. I would however stifle myself and my reservations if you and Madonna were hitting it off and having fun--fathers often have to make such major concessions for their children.

It does seem that your status as a rocket scientist would make you very attractive to Madonna, since she and her group may be fairly high much of the time. So ask her out--if she accuses you of only being after her money say no, that's my father--then she will respect you as a hottie and my interest as something she intuitively and favorably relates to, part of a business deal (she needn't know how expensive Jean and I can be....). OK, so this is to show again that we have always your best interests at heart,

Lotsa love, Dad

Of course I had to be the one to break it to Dad that she's married and totally into the whole healthy living thing. Poor man. He just wants one ridiculously wealthy child--even if he needs to pimp his one and only son out to get one.