Thursday, October 11, 2007

The Man is Obviously Worried About Retirement

Dad's at it again.

Hi there Son,

I am forwarding to you an Email with an article from the NY Times on MADONNA, who is reported to be leaving Warner Brothers for Live Nation, the concert promoter--if it goes through she gets $100 mil, with the first $50 mil to be paid up front. Now this is not as good as the $500 mil that comes with Rachel, but it'll be OK, it'll keep the corporate jet manned and in fuel, and you probably will be able to quit your day job.

You have to admit Madonna is a whole different scene from properly prepared pasta, and you may not have enough energy to accompany her on ALL concert tours, but the benefits would seem enough to grit your teeth and bear it. She is, admittedly, a little old (turns 50 next year), but I would suspect you wouldn't notice it with those intense lights and loud music all the time.

Now, as your father, I would far prefer Rachel, because I can hardly muster the energy to get through a whole Madonna set, whereas my appreciation for Italian food has no discernible limits. I would however stifle myself and my reservations if you and Madonna were hitting it off and having fun--fathers often have to make such major concessions for their children.

It does seem that your status as a rocket scientist would make you very attractive to Madonna, since she and her group may be fairly high much of the time. So ask her out--if she accuses you of only being after her money say no, that's my father--then she will respect you as a hottie and my interest as something she intuitively and favorably relates to, part of a business deal (she needn't know how expensive Jean and I can be....). OK, so this is to show again that we have always your best interests at heart,

Lotsa love, Dad

Of course I had to be the one to break it to Dad that she's married and totally into the whole healthy living thing. Poor man. He just wants one ridiculously wealthy child--even if he needs to pimp his one and only son out to get one.

23 Deserve Mamma's Love:

Sue Doe-Nim said...

OOh puh-leez I'd marry Madonna for that kinda cash if I could still mess around with Mr. Nim.

Maybe...

Can't you just put him (your brother) on eBay like everything else?

Lawyer Mama said...

So the auction didn't work? I was convinced it would. If I lived in Texas and was single, I'd be all over him. But your dad wouldn't approve seeing as how I'm not filthy rich!

~JJ! said...

Your dad is hysterical.

I think he should put your brother on ebay.

Julie Pippert said...

What needs to happen is your dad start a blog. Definitely. Although you posting for him works well too...he's hilarious!!!

Julie
Using My Words

Chris H said...

Your Dad is a total crack up!!! Means funny ha ha!

Shannon said...

Your dad is hilarious...I can't imagine what holiday dinners are like with your family!

slackermommy said...

Your dad needs a blog. He's a hoot!

Marie Green said...

I second it- your dad needs a blog! He cracks me up!

Mrs. Chicken said...

Your dad is killing me! Yes, dude, he needs a blog. In fact, he could devote it entirely to pimping your bro! That would be sure to attract attention, no?

Kate said...

That was so funny I read it twice. Your Dad is a riot. Make him a blog!

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Your dad is AWESOME!!! I agree with Kate above and think he should start a blog!

OMSH said...

I'm thinking he should stick with Rachel. And your dad? He needs to publish a book of letters he writes to your brothers ... b/c THOSE are priceless.

Worker Mommy said...

I so heart your Dad.

Maureen said...

Yes, humor DOES run in your family... is your brother as funny? Could be another thing he can put on the ol' personal resume...

Kevin Charnas said...

That is one funny man.

I bet that he could make some serious money auctioning off a date with your brother on Ebay.

I'm serious.

And at least your bro would probably end up with less STD's then if he ended up with Madonna.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

Your dad is hilarious! If only we could find your brother an insanely rich woman....then he could allow you to live a life in which you are, as of now, not accustomed! :)

I'll put my thinking cap on for this!

Girl said...

Wealth, schmelth. He really is funny.

Kim said...

lol, he's cute!

Jocelyn said...

Your dad is hilarious, and I like his honesty. Has he tried to dredge up rich, celebrity sons-in-law, too? Or is the fact that you're already married a deterrent.

Remind him that Oprah's technically single.

Bayou Belle said...

Your dad is becoming a mini celebrity. He should start his own blog ya know. He could get some serious readership!

Bayou Belle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mama Zen said...

Get Dad a blog!

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