Thursday, July 12, 2007

Temptation Highway

I first noticed his presence as I felt him on my back. He was big and gave off air of danger. I couldn't help but look. My eyes were drawn to him.

So I did it.

I looked in my rearview mirror to see the asshole riding my bumper at 75 mph (not that I speed). In his giant white landscaping truck, he stuck to me like glue in an apparent effort to get me to move.

Now it's not like I'm above developing an attitude similar to a twenty-two year old with a little liquid kevlar in his system when faced with pond scum such as this. There have definitely been a few incidents in my past where I escaped with my teeth and still haven't learned. It's not a trait of which I'm proud.

But we're talking DC traffic. At rush hour!

Where the hell was I supposed to go? The cars were lined up in front of me six deep. This guy wasn't getting anywhere by getting me out of the way. So, I just hung in there and turned up the radio.

He finally found some room to his right and went barreling off down the center lane--swerving I noticed as he rode up on some other poor soul's butt. And this is where I got mad.

It's one thing to piss me off, but don't go assuming you're more important than everyone else on the road.

Who the hell does this guy think he is?! I got a pretty good look at him, as he was practically in my backseat, and I'm fairly certain I didn't miss any blood spraying from his eyes, nor did I see plumes of smoke billowing from his head. I mean what fuck made him think his plans were any more pressing than ours?!

I was all fired up? I'm trying to get all sorts of work finished before I leave on vacation. It was 8:15 p.m. and I was just on my way home from the office. I had a client trash something I had just given to them (and thought was crossed off my list) and I WAS NOT IN THE MOOD.

I wanted to tell you about how I chased after him, cornered him at the next exit and got out of my car at the red light. I wish I could tell you that walked right up to his driver's door, opened it and pulled him out by the nose hair and then proceeded to lecture him about proper etiquette while operating a vehicle.

But I didn't.

I bitched at him from the safe confines of my car, shook my head and decided he had probably spent too much time at happy hour and hoped he didn't hurt anyone else while he was on the road.

I think I'm maturing.

Shit.

44 Deserve Mamma's Love:

Chris H said...

Amazing self control!!! You are definitely learning... and maturing.... even I would not have chased after him... could have turned nasty eh? I even stop myself giving idiots like that the 'finger' now too, cos it can backfire on ya. Anyway, hope you have a neat weekend.

~JJ! said...

I so want to do that sometimes...

Glad to see you are maturing ever so slightly!!!

Gunfighter said...

Oh, the joys of driving on I-95! Where were you?

Kelly said...

If maturing means giving yourself an ulcer because you've learned to stuff the anger deep, deep inside...well then I'm there too!;) What an asshat!

Em said...

Your maturation is impressive. But I was looking forward to hearing about a serious butt-kicking delivered by you LOL

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

As a reformed road rager...good for you!

Much safer to bitch inside your car than going after someone's nose hairs. Much safer.

Beth said...

Yeah, maturity definitely takes away a lot of fun in life.
On the other hand, with road rage now at new horrifying levels, better to leave those idiots alone.

Mother May I????? said...

God bless you for having control in that nightmare called the dreaded " mixing bowl!" ARGHHH!!! I hate 395/495 and anything past alexandria ALL the way down to Occoquan!

Lotta said...

Oh good lord I just got out of my car and screamed at someone tonight. I'm actually pretty mild mannered. But this crazy teenager was honking and screaming at us. Us being a minivan with a husband, wife and two kids. Because we wouldn't turn right on red . She got out of her car and started screaming Go Go Go you stupid bi*$! So I got out, and was all Vanna White about the BIG sign that said "No Turn on Red" and yelled "Idiot". And it didn't stop there.

Had my husband not been with me I so would have just given her the evil eye. I'm not sure what came over me because I never do stuff like that! Maybe it was the Mr Pibb Xtra I had with dinner?

andi said...

Good for you. I wish I were that mature. I probably would have flipped him the finger.

Ally said...

In times like that, I sing at the top of my voice, "I'm so entitled, and I just can't hide it..." to the tune of the Pointer Sister's song. People who think they are more important than everyone else on the road: pshaw.

Diesel said...

I used to commute 50 miles to work every day, and I never did understand those people who would ride your ass even though they could SEE the 600 other cars right in front of you. Imagine how stressful that must be, always thinking "I HAVE to get in front of that car. NOW!!!"

The Mommanista said...

Well done. I drive about 2000km a month for my job, and HATE the ass riders. I don't get how they cannot see that there are cars all round me, and I could not go fater or get out of their way if I wanted to! It is like they want to have an accident.

Terri@SteelMagnolia said...

that's so hard to do ...

I just ignore ignore ignore...
I don't even look at them as they pass me...

but inside, I'm burning up...

one time a guy on my husbands squad was driving in his unmarked car... some A~hole ran up on his butt and started honking and flashing his lights...
trying to get him to move over...
sooo...
our buddy just ran his plate.. found out it was stolen...
arrested him at the next exit...
IT WAS GREAT...
they found a blow up doll in the backseat... isn't hat hysterical!!

when people tailgate us..
I keep thinking.. if they only knew my husband was a police officer... they wouldn't be doing that...

Jessica said...

Shhh... don't tell.

I've been known to "toss" a quarter their way....

Also, when they're behind you I find that the windshield washers MUST go on.

Particularly the rear washer.

Then they find someone else to pick on.

Dorky Dad said...

Wait. Hold it a second. You live in the DC area. Why was this episode a surprise?

And if it wasn't a landscaping truck -- and if this had been two years ago -- I'd have said, "does he drive a Corolla and look like my wife?" My brother-in-law used to live the area and he is a NUT. N-U-T nut. One scary driver. But so was the cab driver when I was there in May.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

Road Rage......I think I suffer from the same affliction!


HEY...don't go and mature too much...then you might not want to be friends with me! (hee-hee)

Mary G said...

Yeah, tailgaters are seriously mentally challenged. Better to leave them be. Smart you.
But paying them back is sure satisfying. I have been known to move over, let them by and then sit on their tail with my high beams on. I'm stupid to do it, but it does reduce the blood pressure and adrenalin surge.

Blog Antagonist said...

God I hate that. I drive a minivan, which pretty much screams I HAVE KIDS, and it makes me see red that they callously put my kids in danger when they do that. I don't respond either...around here, people get shot during road rage incidents....but boy how I would like to sometimes.

PunditMom said...

Yup, DC drivers are the best aren't they?

Slackermommy said...

Sometimes being a grown-up sucks.

MamaLee said...

One of my peeves is stupid drivers.

I'm glad you made it thru without a heart attack OR an accident!

xoxo

DangerDoll said...

Man oh man. I'm filled with awe and admiration at your restraint. It sucks having to be the adult, doesn't it? And I say this as a former road rage-a-holic myself.

Dorky Dad said...

Get out of traffic and head over to my site. I've given you an award.

Ruth Dynamite said...

I admire your restraint.

Worker Mommy said...

I am duly impressed by your restraint.

I so know how hard that must have been. Having grown up in the Nova/DC area I know how bad that traffic sucks!

CG said...

I commute and can relate to your situation. I feel the same way, exactly were do these people think you can go in rush hour traffic. Especially in the DC corridor?

Anonymous said...

wow.....ya i'm one of those 22 year olds......I LOATHE rude drivers....arg.....think you could give me some help?
I have not had much alone time with my hubby since Maggie was born. I am thinking of sending the kids to friends for the night and have some fun of my our own for once. I want something sexy. My friend told me to check out Pampered Passions. Maybe that’s too sexy? But they do have a contest for a free trip to the Bahamas. That would be nice.
http://www.pamperedpassions.com/sweepstakes.htm
what do you think?

Oh, The Joys said...

This is where I slow WAY down and drive like a leetle old lady and wave when they pass.

Lisa said...

It was pretty smart of you to not give him the ole F-U wave. Cause you never know what kind of crazy (who could be brimming with chemicals and short on impulse control) is behind the wheel.

Grim Reality Girl said...

You are my hero. I share the urge to pummel the fools who tailgate when there is simply no point to it.... It is better to live another day and not get shot by some asshole who has nothing better to do than drive up your rear. Hopefully he'll be covered in brown stuff for his efforts. (look -- I too was restrained and held back most of my curse words! Your post made me feel the road rage I know too well!).

Pendullum said...

Wiser and far more mature than me, that's for certain!!!!!

Kevin Charnas said...

Peoples behavior is disgusting. It's a sense of entitlement that permeates everything in our society.

Lawyer Mama said...

That's one thing I DON'T miss about DC. I'm proud of you for your restraint.

karrie said...

I'm in ur blawg, typing nonsense and saying hello while I wait for my train. See you tomorrow! :)

Mrs. Chicken said...

I'm an unreformed road-rager. I love to let people pass me who've bugged me, and then ride their ass.

madamspud169 said...

Your blog was mentioned by "wiping up snot" as a good one to visit & I liked your blog so much I subscribed lol
Hi
Mandi

Smiling Mom said...

Slut.
Sorry Karly at Wiping Up Snot made me say it! :-) I though that she'd get the F-U necklace.

Now I'm off to read some more of your posts.

xo,

sam said...

Good for you for not attacking the jerk. I can't stand people like that.

I am usually the one that blocks the shoulder so that the asshat coming up the side can't get past. Pisses them off sooo bad! LOL

(Oh, and a certain someone said I should call you a slut. Something about a necklace. *shrug* )

Queen Heather said...

I'm so mature that I purposely drive a little slower.

He probably did it because you're such a dirty slut.

(Someone told me to call you that)

Karly said...

Hahahaha, I love that my readers totally obey me. I AM TAKING OVER THE WORLD ONE BLOG READER AT A TIME!

Ya slut.

pinks & blues girls said...

My husband has the worst road rage, so it's made me a total softie, just trying to offset him.

I hate being a softie behind the wheel.

Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls

Jurgen Nation said...

ROCK ON, GIRL! It's just safer this way. I take the train into the city, so I'm pretty much left to play the role of the crazy lady bitching at people randomly and gritting her teeth. I have to be ready to throw down at all times. Good times. You're a better woman than I, sunshine. ;) xo

theghelertertwins.blogspot.com said...

Too funny. I hate DC traffic too. Thank g-d I don't have to drive that direction anymore. I'm off the toll road now.... Funny blog....