Insert Cheesy Prom Theme Here

Aeeeahheahhhhhhh!!! ((((hugs)))) (air kiss) (air kiss)

Oh. My. God! Y'alllllll. I'm so glad you're here!

Can you believe it?! It's our prom!!

You look SUH good! You're dress is gorgeous! And your hair....! Did you get it done? You had to have it done. Those tendrils. The curls. And look it doesn't move when you dance.

We went to the BEST party before dinner.

Look at all the couples. The guys all matched their cummerbunds and bowties to our dress or corsages.

EVERYONE was at the pre-prom party. We tried to sneak in some wine coolers. But her parents were SO uncool. We had to wait until we got in the limo.

Did you hear Arlene and Lynn got a limo for 14 people! It might have been big, but ours IS the party limo.

We had the coolest driver. He totally put up the privacy glass and didn't want to know WHAT we were doing in the back. The eight of us had the BEST ride over.

Did you have your picture taken yet? You HAVE to do it before you start dancing. You don't want to look all sweaty in your prom picture. I mean it's your PROM picture. You're going to have it forever!

What are you doing after? G got the radest hotel room. Y'all should come by.

OMG!! THAT is my favorite song. Gotta go dance.

(over her shoulder) Come find me if you go to the bathroom. I HAVE to show you my thigh highs!! G is so excited. He can't wait to see them. Hee hee hee hee.

Getting Ready for the Big Night

So tomorrow is the big night! I'm so excited I'm ready to pee my pants. Wonder Mom and Stinkfoot have already promised me a dance.

I was going to get a pedicure. I was going to get my hair done. BUT THIS IS A BLOG PROM! No primping necessary!!! I'd be lying of course if I said I hadn't done anything to prepare. For you my darling dates, I've been searching high and low for photos...photos I tell ya.

First a bit about my senior high school prom eve. Frankly, the details are a bit hazy. I do remember this. The dress was hung up on the back of the door just so it would "be ready." Now what it accomplished while it was hanging there, I have no clue.

I didn't visit the tanning bed as some of my sister Floridians decided to do. I was more of an "au naturel" kind of girl--though you won't believe that when you see the pictures tomorrow.

Anyway, to provide you with a bit of context, I thought I'd treat you to some other photographic evidence of my stint in high school.

First I need to admit that, yes, I was the senior class president. In my defense...crap I have no defense. Let's just say that I've learned my lesson since and I try my best to resist leadership positions at all costs. Who needs the headache? I already have three children.

So here I am on a "normal" high school day.

Note my early tendency to foresake primping for extra sleep. Hair in a ponytail and a t-shirt. Yep, that was me. Those metallic flats?! I saw some just like those at DSW this week. I guess we're on a 19 year fashion cycle.

There were other dances, of course, before my senior prom.

There was prom my freshman year:

Check out that hoop skirt!! I could have fit another date under there. I have to say though it was very cool. Lots of space to kick around. The date was by far the funniest and smartest of all my dance dates to follow. At the time, I wasn't smart enough to realize how much I should have prized those qualities. [shaking head with memories of very cute, very stupid boys]

Sophomore year I had a boyfriend who was my year, so no prom for me. We did attend a semi-formal however.

Pretty in Pink...isn't sheeeeee? Pretty. In. Pink.

You know it just occured to me that it was a semi-formal dance, so why the hell are those boys in tuxes?

Junior year, there was this hot number for another semi-formal.

Wasn't that cool the way I got my eyeshadow to match my dress?

I attended the prom that year with my best friend who was a senior. Oh how I LURVED him my freshman year. I kept telling him he had to take someone he could get busy with, but for some reason he insisted I was to be the date. We had an totally awesome time fer shure.

No that's not your screen. My face is a different color than the rest of my body. Where was my mother when I was doing that? For christ sakes woman! How could you let me go out of the house with THAT much powder on my face?! Oh and please note the awesome red sunglasses!

He got so wasted that night he decided I was THE one he was going to get busy with. The great friend that I am I laughed in his face, told him he was drunk and suggested he pass out on the other side of the bed. He didn't remember a bit of it the next morning. THANK GOODNESS!

So that's it. I'm all ready for our big night tomorrow. Please don't forget to visit with the other guests. I know they are all scurrying like mad to get their photos scanned.

Summer Lovin'

Happend so fast. Summer lovin'. Someone was having a blast.

Actually a number of someones.

Something about the pre-Fourth of July weekend must have been damn sexy in the late 60's/early 70's, because, as I've discovered cruising the blogosphere this week, there are a ton of last week of March babies running around.

For instance, there's my British friend, a Pissed-Off Housewife and then Kristin's husband. Speaking of husbands, Deb gets to celebrate hers with a husband who has culinary skills!

And there's been some recent additions to this prestigious club as well. Check out the link. The sextuplets are ADORABLE!! And one of the kiddos over at the Circus is celebrating as well this week.

All fabulous people of course. You know how I know? Cause I'm one of them!

Thirty-six years ago tonight I was all warm and cozy, ignorant of the cold cruel world. Some time during the next 24 hours the kid--who I like to say was conceived in the back of a Trans-Am most likely to Led Zepplin--was brought into this world. Lucky for me there was an incredible women waiting for just such a baby to be born and ten short days later I was hers.
She's been stuck with me ever since. Seriously, you should feel sorry for my mom.

Okay, enough pitiful attempts to garner some birthday wishes...we have some real love to talk about.

First, I still haven't been asked to the prom, BUT I do have a date to BlogHer. I am going, and I'm happy to report that the southern darling Canape (pronounced in her language as can-I-pee?) has asked me and I have gladly accepted.

Are you so jealous or what?

I got the cutest girl at the event to invite ME. Can you believe it?! Yeah, me either. I'm so excited I can barely stand it, but more on BlogHer and my fabulous date later.

What I'm jazzed about at this particular moment is that we are just hours away from our first annual blog prom weekend!

Over the next three days the folks on the guest list to the right will be blogging about their prom experience, or lack of prom experience, or about proms in general (hey it's the blogosphere--and I'm not that into rules). So join us if you'd like! And don't worry about getting a date. You'd just dump them as soon as you got there so you could hang out with us anyway.

Tell me you're coming and I'll add you to the guest list. And Leah--there was no link to your blog in my comments. Email me the address and I'll add you.

Oh, and there may be a prize, but don't tell anyone.

Now dig out those pictures. Make new ones. Tell us about prom. And get around to meet all of the guests. Mingle dammit! That's an order!

You wouldn't want to disappoint a girl on her birthday. Would you?!

The Real Truth About Real Moms

I've been tagged by Queen of the Mayhem and Janet a.k.a. Wonder Mom to tell you about real moms. Honestly, these two women each hit the mark dead on with their posts. I'm not sure what I can add, but since they were nice enough to think of me I'll give it whirl.

Real moms? You want to know the ugly truth? Our deepest, darkest secret?

We have NO shame.

Sure real moms look around the table at a work meeting and secretly want to look like the single fashionistas, but they'll wear an outfit from Target if it means their chilren get the birthday present of their dreams or a memorable vacation.

Real moms gag at the smell of vomit, but they'll go to the pharmacy with it in their hair when their toddler is running a fever and can't keep anything down.

Real moms will clean toilets at a bar if it means their family has food on the table.

Real moms will exhaust themselves raising kids by themselves rather than modeling a "normal" relationship as loveless or violent.

Real moms might try to have children naturally, but they'll love the ones they get with every fiber of their being regardless of any genetic relationship.

You can try every trick you have to put down a real mom, but it ain't gonna phase her. When it comes to her family there isn't anything she wouldn't do.

You want to demean her? You want to degrade her? You want to make her invisible? You want to treat her as less than equal?

Fine. As long as you're willing to be met with the ferocity of tiger. Because a real mom will battle to the death to protect her family and provide a safe and loving environment in which her children can grow up to be healthy and happy.

Oh, and she'll have an army of Target clothes-wearing, toilet brush-holding, vomit spewn-haired women standing behind her to take you on. Because that's what real moms do.

Are You Getting Psyched?

Just a few days to go before the first annual Blog Prom.

Dust off the old pictures and get them scanned or dress up in your finest and snap away. And I'm warning you now, my prom was in 1988. Get ready for some hair!

This Saturday we're dancing! The guest list is coming soon. If you'd like to be included, let me know and I'll add you.

Here are the details:

On Friday, March 30th write a post about getting ready for the big night. Post any pre-prom pictures. Did you go to the tanning bed the day before? Did you have your hair done or did you do it yourself? How did you ask your date? How did your date ask you?

On Saturday, March 31 tell us about the night. And we want pictures!!! We want to see your terrific taffeta or lovely lace. Did you sport the powder blue tux or was it tails? Did you hoof to the dance or was their a fancy limo? What was the theme? Were you the queen/king?

On Sunday, April 1 we want to hear all about the after-party. Did you stay up all night? Where did you go? Again, pictures.

I wanna put on my, my, my, my, my boogie shoes and boogie with you.

Reason #4,368,724 for Why I'm So Uncool

First, because I just used the word "uncool." Second, because I've been tagged for this meme by Karrie and Lotta, but if I fulfill the request well...you'll see.

Guidelines: List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what they are. They must be songs you are presently enjoying. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

So here it goes. I just hope you'll still respect me in the morning.

Extra Ordinary by Better Than Ezra-Fun tune, they're from Louisiana and Kevin Griffin is just plain hot! You should see him move when he croons. Mmmmm.

Joey by Concrete Blonde-Don't know what it is about this song. Brings me back.

Take It Out on Me (third song down) by Fred LeBlanc-The drummer/vocalist from Cowboy Mouth and Dash Rip Rock has done some solo albums. Another Louisiana boy. An old boyfriend turned me onto this song and I've loved it ever since.

Grace Kelly by Mika-I have Kevin Charnas to thank for this one. It's just so darn catchy.

Photograph by Nickelback-I've been a bit nostalgic for home lately. This song makes me think of...well it just makes me think.

Feeling Good by Nina Simone-Yeah the video here is from the promo for Six Feet Under, but I couldn't find a better one. Talk about sultry.

Baby Girl by Sugarland-Sorry, there's a brief ad in the beginning of this, but it's worth it!! If I could sing, I might like to have this woman's voice. Plus wait until you hear how she talks to her parents...a mother's dream.

So that's it. I've exposed you to a smattering of my musical taste. I really like almost all music. My iPod would make most people assume I suffered from a split personality. Come to think of it Shakey probably thinks I do.

I tag Canape as she's a musician and all, MamaLee since she always has good songs anyway, Kevin because I know he'll give us some nifty tunes, Slackermommy because there's a shark in her photo, my british friend--let's see if he can do it in 100 words or less, Dorky Dad just because I like tagging him and last but not least Mitch McDad because he might talk about vibrators.

Have fun!! Can't wait to see your lists.

I Have Questions

Two questions remain unanswered from our recent trip...

1. Why don't you ever see baby pigeons? Lots o pigeons in NOLA all full-sized.

2. Apparently dacshunds are THE dog of choice in NOLA now. We saw them everywhere. But does it really makes sense in a city (hurricanes aside) that floods easily to have dogs with such short legs?

I'm just asking...

Holy Tit-Foot Batman!!

As if I didn't already have a sufficient number of body image issues, now I have to worry about something like this happening too?!

Go ahead, you've got to read it. And don't miss the link to the photo. I had NO idea this was possible.

I'm BA-ACK!

I know. So you smelled.

New Orleans was wonderful!!!!! Five days and four nights of just me and Shakey free in the Big Easy. No real itinerary, no kids, no work...much fun!

It's so hard to describe the city I adore and what it is about it that I love to folks who have never been there.

Though Shakey had been there before, his visit was for work and so he didn't get to truly appreciate it. I think he's a convert now. It didn't hurt that we started our trip with dinner at Commander's Palace. Starting with a meal like that will soften even the toughest critic. Oh the turtle soup and the oysters and the crawfish veal dish and then the bananas foster! Mmmmm.

As a former resident, I felt like a HUGE tourist carting around my camera but I just knew you'd want to see pictures. So here's my photo essay of the trip.

Okay I lied. I don't have photos of the whole trip so I'll give you the rundown and include pictures as they're appropriate.

Thursday

Flight left on time, arrived early. The cab ride to the hotel revealed a bit of the damage caused by the hurrican, but frankly they parts of the suburbs and the city that I-10 cuts through wasn't the prettiest before the storm so it wasn't as obvious as I expected.

Arrived at the hotel and was pleasantly surprised considering the great rate we got through the United website. Good sized room overlooking the Mississippi and one of my favorite lunch dives (you'll see my obsession with great food as you read on). We unpacked, changed and headed to Commander's for a late dinner. It looks the same and the surrounding neighborhood (the Garden District) was relatively unharmed. As I mentioned earlier, the meal was amazing and we were both so stuffed we went back to the hotel and crashed. I don't think either of us slept very well the night before the trip (does that happen to you?).

Friday

Slept in (wink wink--did I mention no kids?). And man did we work up an appetite so...
Mmmm...jambalaya for Mamma and an Oyster Po Boy for Shakey.

Headed over to the New Orleans Arena for some Bball.

Memphis v. North Texas State; Nevada v. Creighton during the first session. We went back to the room, changed took a little rest and headed back for the second session of Arizona v. Purdue and Florida v. Jackson St. Jackson St. held on for a bit, but by the second half it was clear the game was over so we headed out with Florida 20 points up and went down to the Quarter to watch the rest of the Kentucky game (we're big UK fans in this house--though we weren't dumb enough to pick them to go past the first round in our pools). A few beers, UK won and we were off to walk through the Quarter.

To this day, I don't understand why people scream for beads on Bourbon Street. It's not Mardi Gras. Beads are for Mardi Gras. And this former resident is not about to expose the ladies for a few little beads (now a Zulu coconut on Mardi Gras day? That's an entirely different story. Have you seen those coconuts?! They're hand-painted! With glitter! Totally worth the flash.) So I snickered at the tourists (she says looking down her nose) and got off Bourbon Street as fast as we could. After four basketball games we were a little beat (sitting for so long is very tiring). As we walked back to the hotel, we had to pass

so we had to just walk through.

At 2:30 a.m. we left $639.00 richer!!!! Shakey won $339.00 at the $.25 slots and I spent two and half hours at the black jack table on $40 eventually walking away with $300. Yeah, we thought we were so cool! Shakey learned a life lesson too. About a half an hour into my black jack he came up and whispered in my ear.

Shakey: Did you know if you sit at the slot machines they give you FREE drinks?

Me: Uh...yah!

Shakey: This place is AWESOME! I'm going back to the slots. See Ya!

Me: [shaking my head] novice

A half an hour later:

Shakey: Did you know that if you sit at the bar and play video poker that they give you free drinks?

Me: Um...yep

Shakey: This place rocks!

Where has my husband been all his life?! Obviously not in a casino I guess.

Saturday--St. Patrick's Day

No games. No plans! We slept in--again. Looked down to check out the line at Mother's and guess what! No line!

More jambalaya and more oyster Po Boys. We're creatures of habit. And the food is so damn good.

After that we headed up to my alma mater.

If you had a magnifying glass, you'd be able to read the sign in the distance that says Tulane University. The campus was pretty quiet due to Spring Break, but it was nice to walk around. Not much has changed. We stopped by my old sorority house.

Where I discovered they had installed a porch swing.
Happy Mamma on the porch swing in her St. Patrick's Day boa. Doesn't everyone wear one to celebrate the holiday? If you haven't I recommend it highly. I felt very festive.

Then it was a stroll down St. Charles Avenue past the stately homes.

Just in the nick of time (we were getting thirsty) we happend upon Fat Harry's. Enjoying some beer and some basketball on their many TVs when all of the sudden I noticed this scene.

Now a cannon being drawn by four horses isn't the weirdest thing I've seen in New Orleans (by a long shot) but it wasn't what I expected to set my eyes upon as I gazed out the open front of the bar on a Saturday afternoon. I'm guessing they were returning home from the parade. The best part though was the gentleman tying them up to a lamp post so he could stop in for a drink.

At Fat Harry's we made friends with a lovely young man named George whose favorite saying was "It don't cost nothin'." This ended up being true for us since he was treating half of the bar (including us) to round after round of shots. I was sure glad it was the motto he settled on for the day.

Many beers and shots later, it was time to eat--again. I told you food would be a recurring theme. So we hailed a cab and I dragged Shakey back into the Quarter for the best hamburgers in the world!

Shakey agreed and he had had just enough to drink that he didn't complain too much about me taking silly pictures of him under yet another sign.

We walked off dinner through the Quarter where we saw this

and this

and then stopped here for a little dessert.

Nothing like hot beignets!

Then of course I had to take a picture of this eerie site. I've always loved it.

Sunday

More basketball. Happily Florida won, since I have them winning the whole thing.

Then dinner here.

[edited to add] I can't believe I forgot to mention the obligatory stop at Pat O'Brien's. I checked in on the Piano Bar because I didn't want to disappoint the Queen, but the weather was just too nice so we got a table at the patio bar right next to the flaming fountain. I have a great picture, taken by the Pat O's photographer, if only I could find a scanner that works.

Monday

Sadly, it was time to pack our bags. We had just enough time for a walk through the Quarter, lunch and a little shopping and then it was time to get on the plane.

I almost got teary during lunch. I hated leaving. I do know what it's like to miss New Orleans.

The Count Down to NOLA Begins...

Did I mention I was going to New Orleans this week? I did? Oh sorry. Don't mean to rub it in.

I'M JUST SO DARNED EXCITED!!!

I went to school in New Orleans. While I was there I fell in love with the city. I used to go back fairly regularly (helps that I was dating someone who lived there), but since getting married and having kids my trips have been limited and always for work.

Like the rest of America, I was devasted by the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. I have friends who still live there and I worried about them, listened to their stories and of course followed it all in the news. A part of me that was a little afraid to go back, but I know the soul of the city I adore could never be destroyed.

There are no words to describe what it is about New Orleans. I just think you have to experience it for yourself. And not just the French Quarter. New Orleans is so much more than that. It's the people, it's the food, it's the architecture, it's the food, it's the way of life, it's the food, it's the scenery, it's the food, it's the history. It's all so different from the rest of the country--so uniquely New Orleans. Oh and did I mention the good food? If I were to call any of my college friends right now to brag about my trip the first question they would ask is, "where are you eating?".

We have reservations Thursday night at Commander's Palace. I think we're going to try to get into Galatoire's and I definitely want to hit Mother's. Other than that, we're winging it, which is easy to do since it's hard to have a bad meal in the city.

The folks get here tomorrow for their long weekend with the grandbabies. I'm a little concerned about how exhausted they're going to be after chasing three boys around for five days, but they survived their five children (by the skin of their teeth) so I think they'll be fine. The boys can't wait for them to arrive. Their joy only slightly diminished by the fact that Winston, my dog-brother, won't be along on this trip. Mr. 4 loves him so much he has a framed picture of him on the nightstand next to his bed.

In just forty-eight hours, Shakey on I will be sipping drinks and strolling the Quarter with nobody to get to bed but each other.

Crap, I better drag myself away from the computer and finish cleaning. It's the game I play with myself every time my parents come. Like they don't know what a slob I am when they're not here. Ha!!

Wanna Go To the Prom?

So I've been thinking...um...well...you see there's this dance...and...um...well...

Wanna go with me?

I'm proposing we have a blog prom. I have no idea if someone else is already hosting one, but why not go to two? I mean you'll have the dress/tuxedo and all.

So here's what I'm thinking. Let's do it the last weekend in March. I know it's a little early for the "traditional" prom season, but hey that's what's great about not being in high school anymore. We can have prom whenever we want to.

So start digging through your photo albums and pull out those dusty old pictures, get them scanned. We're having ourselves a prom!

And this isn't going to be a one night affair. We want to see you getting ready, we want to see your ride, the flowers, your date, the after-party...the whole shebang. Didn't go to prom? Tell us about what you did instead or get dressed up and take some pictures of yourself to share.

On Friday, March 30th write a post about getting ready for the big night. Post any pre-prom pictures. Did you go to the tanning bed the day before? Did you have your hair done or did you do it yourself? How did you ask your date? How did your date ask you?

On Saturday, March 31 tell us about the night. And we want pictures!!! We want to see your terrific taffeta or lovely lace. Did you sport the powder blue tux or was it tails? Did you hoof to the dance or was their a fancy limo? What was the theme? Were you the queen/king?

On Sunday, April 1 we want to hear all about the after-party. Did you stay up all night? Where did you go? Again, pictures.

Let me know if you want to go and I'll start a guest list. If anyone knows how to make a button so you can tell people about it and post it on your blog, I'd be happy to include it. I'm just not that talented--yet.

I'll also start thinking about categories for a prize or two. I went to the prom in the late 80's, so I can promise LOTS of hair. Any other ideas to make the prom better? Let me know. You can be on the prom committee too.

So that's it. That's my idea. I hope you wanna go with me. I think we'll have fun...my dad's going to let me borrow his car.

Is Your Kiss On My List?

Do you and your significant other have your lists assembled? Are they fluid or is the rule at your house that they must be laminated--no substitutions?

You know what I'm talking about right? The list of 5 famous people you can hook up with should you actually be presented with the opportunity.

There's no laminating in our house. Because, you know, we're surrounded by so many celebrities here in the DC burbs that we just don't want to get pinned down.

So here's my current version:

1. Patrick Dempsey
2. Bono
3. Derek Jeter
4. Patrick Dempsey
5. Patrick Dempsey

And Shakey's:

1. Ashley Judd
2. Ashley Judd
3. Ashley Judd
4. Ashley Judd
5. Ashley Judd

As you can see, we're both pretty committed.

So who's on your list?

And because this was inspired by Joe, who would be on your list if you decided to switch teams?

Me? Thanks for asking...

1. Ashley Judd (the brunette version)
2. Mariska Hargitay
3. Jenna Jameson (oh come on! you know she must have a trick or two)
4. Ashley Judd (the red head version)
5. Ashley Judd (the blonde version)

So be honest. Who's your fantasy Daddy/Mamma?

And I totally reserve the right to adopt your list if it's better than mine.

Have You Hugged Your MILF Today?

Lovely comments abound from men of a certain age (older than 35?) admitting that they like their women with a little meat on them. What sweet, sweet music to my ears.

You see I have no aspirations of being rail thin. I'd be happy for "in shape." Pursuing heroin chic for me would be like searching for the end of a rainbow. I was blessed with curves, that for once in my life, I actually don't want to lose completely. I'm happy to look like a woman. Though yet another cruel joke of nature is that some of those "curves" tend to be the first things to disappear when I do lose weight. And that's sad, because I've loved reading those Ds on the bra tags for the first time in my life.

Anyway, I had a good week. Ate healthy. Stuck to my plan. No snacks. No sugar.

I'll be hopping of the wagon for a brief time at the end of next week, because no one can really expect me to go to New Orleans and not enjoy the best part about the city--THE INCREDIBLE FOOD.

Did I mention I'm going to New Orleans next week?! I'm going to New Orleans next weekend for a long weekend!

I am so excited! Went to school there. Haven't been back for years. This will be the first trip there together for me and Shakey. The first time we've gone away alone with each other in seven (yes, I said SEVEN) years. Cue Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get it On." Oh yeah, and there will be basketball--first and second round of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament.

New Orleans, basketball, food and sex...don't hate me!

The Skinny

Two items today.

1. From the Washington City Paper classifieds this week. Eating Disorder Support Group: Meets from 1:00-2:00 p.m. in the Holy Cross Hospital dining room. Um?
2. An MFOM (Male Friend of Mamma) in New Orleans reported this week of having lunch in the same restaurant as Angelina Jolie. When questioned about her beauty his response was, "Her face is gorgeous, but she is so so thin that her body looks disgusting." I almost crawled through the phone to mount him right then and there.

Considering Career Options

I wouldn't say that I write for a living, but my job does entail quite a bit of writing. I sort of took this job as a personal challenge because I was always so afraid to write for others. You might find this ironic considering you're reading my blog right now (are you? are there actually still readers?) Anyway, I don't consider what I write here real writing because it's usually just what comes flowing out of my brain when I sit down in front of my computer. But whatever...this is all just a really long-winded way to bring up the topic occupying my thoughts this evening.

Writing.

Is there one consulting firm (or industry of writers) who specialize in writing directions and packaging copy for sex-related items? Or does each company hire their own copywriter? This inquiring mind wants to know.

I mean, can you imagine being at a cocktail party and asking someone what they do with their day and they say, "oh I write the instruction inserts for condoms." Pardon me while I pull this lull out of my pocket.

This IS someone's job! I love that!

How do you think they got into it? Do you think they rose up through the corporate ranks at the vibrator factory or were they hired on specifically for their writing skills? Do they giggle when they sit down with a new product or are they so tired of looking at blow-up dolls that they think they might curl up in a ball at the sight of one more? Do you think there are writers who specialize in one variety of "toy" over another? Is there a hierarchy of what products they write for? "I used to write for latex, but I only do leather now."

Speaking of which, you know the US Patent and Trade Office has to review everyone of these products if they apply for a patent. I actually think I've heard that there is one division that specializes in this area. Again with the conversation.

Mr. Smith: "How was work honey?"
Mrs. Smith: "Well, I reviewed this new dildo today. It's ten inches long and is made of the most realistic new polycarbon material. And it will be available with or without the most realistic feeling pubic hair I've ever seen."
Mr. Smith: "That's nice dear."

I have GOT to meet someone who has one of these jobs. I have so many questions!

Diet? What Diet?

I can't wait to tell you about the amazing day I had yesterday, but I owe my fellow future MILFs an update, so here it goes.

• You know what I had for dessert tonight? Girl Scout cookies.
• You know what happened to my diet last week? A conference. Think lots of mojitos.
• You know the liklihood I'm getting on the scale today? Zilch.

But Shakey still thinks I got it going on (bow chicka bow wow) so I'm not sweating the setback.

Hope your week was more successful than mine (on the diet front that is)!