Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Considering Career Options

I wouldn't say that I write for a living, but my job does entail quite a bit of writing. I sort of took this job as a personal challenge because I was always so afraid to write for others. You might find this ironic considering you're reading my blog right now (are you? are there actually still readers?) Anyway, I don't consider what I write here real writing because it's usually just what comes flowing out of my brain when I sit down in front of my computer. But whatever...this is all just a really long-winded way to bring up the topic occupying my thoughts this evening.

Writing.

Is there one consulting firm (or industry of writers) who specialize in writing directions and packaging copy for sex-related items? Or does each company hire their own copywriter? This inquiring mind wants to know.

I mean, can you imagine being at a cocktail party and asking someone what they do with their day and they say, "oh I write the instruction inserts for condoms." Pardon me while I pull this lull out of my pocket.

This IS someone's job! I love that!

How do you think they got into it? Do you think they rose up through the corporate ranks at the vibrator factory or were they hired on specifically for their writing skills? Do they giggle when they sit down with a new product or are they so tired of looking at blow-up dolls that they think they might curl up in a ball at the sight of one more? Do you think there are writers who specialize in one variety of "toy" over another? Is there a hierarchy of what products they write for? "I used to write for latex, but I only do leather now."

Speaking of which, you know the US Patent and Trade Office has to review everyone of these products if they apply for a patent. I actually think I've heard that there is one division that specializes in this area. Again with the conversation.

Mr. Smith: "How was work honey?"
Mrs. Smith: "Well, I reviewed this new dildo today. It's ten inches long and is made of the most realistic new polycarbon material. And it will be available with or without the most realistic feeling pubic hair I've ever seen."
Mr. Smith: "That's nice dear."

I have GOT to meet someone who has one of these jobs. I have so many questions!

12 Deserve Mamma's Love:

Kristi said...

Lalalalalala....I'm covering my ears now!

Don't need to know about the pubic hair on the sexy products!

lalalalalla...

Terri said...

Hum, do I know of anyone??.....

let me think.....

uh NO! Sorry I can't help you w/ this one.

karrie said...

LOL!

I think it is probably a mix of freelance and in-house talent. I worked at Gillette a few years ago and sat next to a guy who wrote that sort of thing about Venus razors.

Janet a.k.a. "Wonder Mom" said...

When you find them lemme know.

I used to work in a pharmaceutical ad agency and there were copy people for the most boring of drugs. I'm sure its the same at dildo's r us...

100 Words said...

I reckon I could do that job. While we're on the subject a rubbish joke:

Why did the Irishman put frozen peas in his condom?

To stop the swelling.

Oh, The Joys said...

I think your next post has to be your own suggested text for one of these product instruction packs...

Lotta said...

That's so funny! My husband and I read the instructions on the inside of the condom box once. (For fun only I assure you). It said to keep the penis "well and away" from the woman till the condom was on. So whenever I'm not in the mood I tell him to keep that thing "well and away" and we chuckle.

PunditMom said...

And think of the freebies and product discounts!

Dorky Dad said...

There was a story years and years ago in the Chicago Tribune about women who "test" condoms all day by putting them on fake penises.

Now there's a job for you.

kat said...

On the much grosser side of life, I once saw a story about people who taste canned catfood for a living. Can you imagine how that one would stop a conversation??? Or a first date?

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I've always wondered.....what if you were married to an OB....would you ever have sex? Or, would he reply, "Honey, if I have to see ONE more of those today.....I will SCREAM!" :)

Eric said...

I have friend who used to write the copy for the back-cover of adult videos. Maybe I could introduce you two someday.