I have a very serious question.
How many times must one six year-old fart in the span of 15 minutes before he can be convinced that it might be time to visit the bathroom?
I only ask because if this goes on for another 15 minutes I'm going to have to find an all-night army supply store.
Some days you have to focus on the small things that make your day.
My new snazzy toothbrush came with a clock that's handy to have in the bathroom. It's a nice little reminder of the time as you're getting ready in the morning--you know in case you get a little too carried away flossing. Another perk of my fine clock is that it times how long I brush.
When I brush for two minutes it gives me a smiley face.
And when I brush for more than two and a half minutes??
It winks at me!
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My office is on the 22nd floor. Getting on an empty elevator from the garage usually means I get to travel all the way to my floor without any stops.
This morning I got to pick my nose in peace all the way to 22 (Don't think I haven't thought about cameras. I'm just sure they've seen much worse.).
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No clients today, so I got to wear these.
I've been staring at this blank form for quite some time with no cogent thoughts coming forth. There are plenty of ideas, jumbled fragments, but I can't seem to wrap any of them up into neat little packages.
And I think there's probably a very good reason for this.
My best friend has breast cancer.
She's 37. She has three children aged almost 5 and under.
I've known for a few weeks now--about as long as she has--and I think I've just been pretending it's not true.
The doctors caught it early. She just went in for a check up--a routine physical--and the doc suggested she go in for a mammogram to establish a baseline. The doc didn't feel anything. The mammogram didn't show anything specific, just some thickening. They sent her for an ultrasound assuming they were just ruling things out.
She has cancer.
And they still can't even feel the lumps.
That's a good thing. The prognosis is good.
And I thought I was okay. I mean, I don't have cancer. I can't complain. So I'm fine. I'm the fine one. I'm perfectly fine.
EXCEPT WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO MY BEST FRIEND???!!!!!
I can't fix her. I can't make it okay for her. I can't change things when she's scared. I can't make it better. And I hate that.
Each time my head starts in this direction, I just say shut up. You're not the one who is sick. Just shut up.
But I'm afraid too.
When my aunt was diagnosed with cancer nine years ago, I was sure she was going to be fine. Six weeks later I was at her memorial service. I still think of her almost every day.
I'm so afraid to be positive about Pfunky's cancer.
I'm so afraid.
Cause they're going! One son is actually going twice and the middle guy told me how much he wanted to go when his big brother received the invitation. Because I want to maintain some sanity in my life this week, I didn't tell him we were going on Thursday. I just suggested that we might go some day.
The last time I went to the circus I was 18 years old and it was a double date. My strongest memory of the night is when one of the elephants pooped. My friend lost her mind when it happened and I laughed until my sides hurt. If an elephant poops on stage this time, I'll be with not one but three people who will go crazy. And I'll probably laugh just as hard.
Now I received this great discount code for Ringling Bros and I wanted to make sure I passed it along. I hope you can take advantage of it. It's a great deal!!
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
Offer #1: Get 4 tickets for just $44 by entering the code "MOM" at select ticketing channels** including http://www.ticketmaster.com. Offer good on all performances, minimum purchase of 4 tickets required; additional tickets above 4 can be purchased at $11 each. Offer not valid on Gold Circle Seating, Circus Celebrity Seating, Front Row and VIP seating or combinable with other offers. Other Restrictions May Apply.
The tickets can be purchased from http://www.ticketmaster.com and by entering the MOM code in the MomCentral promotional box when purchasing tickets.
Offer #2: A select amount of Front Row and VIP seats have been reserved for you to buy before they go on sale to the public - just enter the code "MOM" when purchasing those seats.
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Washington D.C. location: http://www.verizoncenter.com/
Baltimore show dates: March 25 through April 5
Baltimore location: 1st Mariner Arena http://www.baltimorearena.com/
Fairfax, VA Show dates: April 8 through April 19
Fairfax, VA location: http://www.patriotcenter.com/
Here are the dates for the other communities the coupon code works for these dates too!!
Houston
Disney On Ice presents Mickey and Minnie's Magical Journey
April 15-April 19
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
July 15-July 26
Dallas/Ft Worth
Disney On Ice presents Mickey & Minnie's Magical Journey
March 18-March 29
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
July 29-August 16
Sunrise/Miami
Disney On Ice presents Worlds of Fantasy
March 26-April 5
Toronto
Disney On Ice presents Worlds of Fantasy
March 18-March 22
Kansas City
Disney On Ice presents Mickey & Minnie's Magical Journey
April 1-April 5
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top
September 16-September 20
Denver
Disney On Ice presents a Disneyland® Adventure
March 12-March 15
Phoenix
Disney On Ice presents a Disneyland® Adventure
April 9-April 12
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
June 24-June 28
Chicago/Rosemont
Disney On Ice celebrates 100 Years of Magic
Sept 8-Sept 13
Newark/East Rutherford/Uniondale/NYC
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
March 5 - April 13
Offer not valid on performances from April 10 - 13 at Madison Square Garden
Philadelphia
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
May 13-May 25
Anaheim/LA/Ontario
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
July 8-August 2
San Francisco
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
August 12-August 23
Sacramento
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM
August 27-August 30
Rick and George* were quite the stoners in high school.
Both great guys, they were pretty easy-going--you know the weed and all--friendly, quick to laugh--again with the weed--fun--even without the weed (I mean I think I saw them when they weren't stoned)--bright--despite the weed--athletic--and that's tough with the weed--and they were friends of mine.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that George and Rick smoked a little dope back in the 80's.
Tonight I spoke to George for the first time in ten years. With what I assume was a completely straight face, he told me about a recent conversation he had with Rick.
Apparently, Rick was experiencing a dilemma and needed some advice. Rick wanted to know if George thought it would be okay to let his 13 y.o. son go see Clerks 2.
Let me paint this for you in a slightly different way.
Bill and Ted have kids of their own and consult with each other on how best to raise them.
*Names have been changed to protect the guilty.
