Bedtime Stories (without Adam Sandler)

Bedtime has arrived again and I haven't recorded any grand thoughts, figured out which came first--the chicken or the egg--or even found some mildly funny words to make at least myself giggle.

In exchange for the prophetic, I leave you with some little nuggets of late.

As I sat in the doctor's waiting room today--the foot and ankle surgeon--I looked up and took in the image of the man in a wheelchair sitting across from me. He had no legs from the knees down. WHAT THE HELL WAS HE DOING SEEING A FOOT AND ANKLE SPECIALIST?? HE DIDN'T HAVE ANY.

First grader came home from school before the holidays with a 3-D paper creation. The hubs complimented him on his dreidel. Son gave him the hairy eyeball and proclaimed, "Duh, it's not a dreidel dad, it's a lantern. The Jews use it to celebrate Ramadan."

My first activity of the new year was so incredible that I don't know how the rest of the year is going to be able to compare. I woke at 7:00 a.m. to the sounds of a whining puppy. I tried the time-tested approach of putting the pillow over my head to make her stop, but that approach was a failure. I rolled out of bed, threw on the closest items to protect any still-partying neighbors from the sight of my pale flesh and shuffled down stairs. And what was I greeted with?? A nearly six month-old puppy covered in her own poop looking up at me from her crate. So weird how the rest of my family was so tired they didn't hear any of the whining.

There I was trying to get her out into the backyard and the crate...well somewhere without getting covered myself. Crate unceremoniously deposited in the carport awaiting some other sleeping ass's attention, the puppy was brought upstairs for a bath--AT 7 FREAKING 30 on New Year's Day. Oh yeah, it's gonna take a lot to improve on the start of this year.