Sunday, April 20, 2008

I'd Blame it on the Illness or the Weather...

...but I came up with this on Friday when it was beautiful and sunny and 80 degrees and I still just thought the tickle in my sinuses was allergies.

I was enjoying a little sunshine during the workday on Friday when a woman passed me on the sidewalk with a fairly low-cut shirt. It was impossible not to notice the tremendous stretch marks on her chest obviously caused by the ginormous boobs she was lugging around.

I looked down at my own girls and silently thanked the goddess of discount designer shoes that I had never been that well-endowed. Gravity and two nursing babies have taken their toll and the girls just ain't what they used to be, but by no means will they ever rest on my hips.

And that's when I had a thought:

There should be a boob bank.

The gals with a little too much can make a deposit--in exchange for maybe an iTunes card or something--and the ladies who need a little lift or filling could make a withdrawl.

The world would be a happy place and we'd all be perfect C's.

And the fact that this science doesn't exist is just further proof that G*d is NOT a woman.

27 Deserve Mamma's Love:

nola said...

What a novel idea! We need to get you grant money to see where you can take this!!!!

De in D.C. said...

*sigh* My mom always complains that she wishes she was as well-endowed as me (my mom made me go bra shopping with her last month, WTF?!). I wish my DD's were half their size, but no way I could afford to have them surgically altered (unless someone could convince my insurance company that my back problems are a result of being top heavy). Sign me up for the boob bank! And the baby-belly bank while you're at it.

Dorky Dad said...

A boob bank? Won't work. Sorry Mamma. Too many guys would rob it.

Loralee Choate said...

Hee hee! I make no secret that I have surgically reclaimed my bosoms, so this just made me giggle.

P.S.

Have to agree with dorky dad. The bank would TOTALLY get broken into by the men.

Amy U. said...

heh...I'll take a few bucks from the BTM (boob teller machine).

Assertagirl

Nancy said...

So one could use the ATM as an automated t*t maker!

Personally, I'd need to deposit into the bank across town ... the Butt Bank! I have too much assets!

andi said...

I'm in! I'd be all over some perfect C's. Right now, the nursing girls are a C (not perfect though, mind you). Soon they will be demoted back to their pre-nursing, limp B selves. Sigh. Not that I'd generally care, but the slightly larger chestal region comes in handy to distract onlookers from my big and unsexy midregion.

Kelly said...

As a negative A girl who has a Double D Mom, I've often thought that same thought! G*D is totally not a woman.

Redneck Mommy said...

A boob bank. I love it.

I'd like to make a withdrawal....

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I'd like to make a deposit....but I want my payment in the form of a spa gift certificate. These girls are making my back hurt!

LOVE THIS IDEA! :)

Day Dreamer said...

At my skiniest, I'm a DD.

No one has ever known what to do with them except for my children!

I wear a bra night and day. At this point, I'd be more than willing to donate to the boobie bank. Twice!

Ivy Brown said...

A boob bank. Not a bad idea.

What's more: I actually think I read something about some dude giving women boobs over the internet.

So it has legs...or boobs...or...well, you get the idea.

Amy@UWM said...

I would gladly, GLADLY make a deposit in the boob bank. Whoever thinks they want big boobs is tragically mistaken.

Lisa said...

You start that boob bank! I'll start the butt bank! Giving away iTunes cards for donations is a great idea.

Can you imagine the bank robber dorky dad speaks off? He could be the "Booby Bandit."

Gwen said...

Brilliant! It's not big boobs I want; it's just .... boobs.

Karly said...

In exchange for an itunes card! LOL! Excellent idea! :)

Scary Mommy said...

Great idea. Even better though: You could just take fat from say, your ass or thighs and add it to your boobs. Or add some height. Or take away the boobs and add some booty. The options are endless.

Claudia said...

Beautiful idea. :) I downsized my twins 3 years ago. DD to a perky C. Love the new handfuls to bits now. Best thing I ever did. God bless the women that lug around milk jugs and the strap marks on the shoulders from their weight. I just couldn't do it anymore.

Colleen said...

Great idea! I'm in the "take" category, but I'll leave my portion for someone else.

I also think that we should each get "personality points". Each person gets 10,000 points when they're born. Do something stupid like throw a lit cigarette out the car window and you lose 1,000 of them. Lose all your points? You need to earn them back by sorting recycle-ables out of the landfills or delivering dinners to the home-bound.

slackermommy said...

Your boob bank idea would have saved me a lot of money!

I love Dorky Dad's comment!

the mama bird diaries said...

Hmm... I definitely think you're on to something.

I don't need any more or less. I just would like them back where they use to be.

Worker Mommy said...

I'm ok in the boobs department, but much like someone else said I'd love to see a butt bank. I have a huge deposit to make!

Redsy said...

i'd rather see a sex bank -- have too much? put some back. need more?? take a withdrawal. no strings of course

Devra said...

Boob bank is an excellent idea. I'd also be willing to donate to an IRA: Instant Reduction for upper Arms.

Pendullum said...

A Boob Bank...
Who would have thunk...
Something to ponder today...

Kevin Charnas said...

HHAA!! I LOVE IT! The WBB; The World Boob Bank.

Sounds perfect, Mama.

And you know what? My back and shoulders are SO SORE from having the giant weight of my penis all wrapped up around my shoulders, so I don't trip over it or you know...derail trains.

AND I'M JUST DAMN SICK AND TIRED OF IT.

Alex Elliot said...

That's a fantastic idea! Personally I had too much and ended up with breast reduction surgery, but I would have been more than happy to donate my extra; particularly if I got an iTunes card.