The Second Clue

Okay, here's the second clue. Take a guess or make up a rhyme and win an HP photobook .

Where in the World is Mamma? A Contest

Have you missed me? Lie to me and say yes.

I'm out of town, I have some HP photobooks to give away and I've been taking photos with my new camera, so I thought why not a contest.

Here's how we'll do it. I'll post photos over the next few days with progressively easier clues. Everyone who provides the correct city will be entered into a drawing for one photobook. Then to make things fun, there is a second way to win.

Because Jenny likes rhyming, you can win by posting a rhyme about where you think I may be. You don't even have to identify the correct location. If I love your rhyme, you'll win. Just post your rhyme on your blog and link back to this post. Add your name to the Mr. Linky below to let everyone enjoy your rhyme. Please make sure you link directly to your post and not to your home page. You have until Sunday at midnight EST to enter.

Okay, so you ready?

Here's the first clue.

I Present Into Evidence Item #207...

as to my lack of domestic goddessness.

The hubs just brought the ironing board and iron up to press his shirt for our date tonight (don't get all excited, we're going to a wedding--you think he'd iron for me??).

Mr. 4: Dad? What's that?
Hubs: *steals a glance at me and chuckles*
Mr. 4: I mean what does it do?

Two minutes later...

Mr. 5: Dad? What's that?? What are you doing?

In my defense (and his), I did offer to iron the shirt for him but he wanted to do it himself. And honestly, I don't mind ironing. It's like vacuuming--you get immediate gratification for your efforts, but I don't have a place to leave my iron set up so we just don't do it much and neither of us are that partial to button down shirts--they're just not that comfortable.

UPDATE:
Hubs gave it a shot with limited success. He's decided to let me "take a stab" at eliminating the wrinkles. Gotta go. Off to make Fussy proud.

The Breakfast Club All Day Long

Ever have one of those days when you feel like Ally Sheedy pre-Molly Ringwald make-over?

Yeah, me either.

It Was Only A Matter of Time

In a discussion this evening regarding his new sneakers:

Mr. Sixth Grade: Mom, you wouldn't know cool if it hit you in the butt.

Mr. Sixth Grade: I mean maybe in the 70's or something*, but not now.

Then again, earlier this evening he threatened his younger brother saying that he wished he could "summon a magical unicorn to silence him" or he might be forced to use his "curls of fury."

I may not be cool, but I am smart enough to record these conversations for future embarrassment.

*Would you take a look at the size of that swish.

Freezing Rain and Fried Nerves

This is the reason I didn't get to vote yesterday.



This is the reason it took me two and half hours to go the first thee miles of my commute.

I left the office at 5:45 p.m. and arrived home at 10:15 p.m. I had ten miles to traverse.


View Larger Map

I'm not strong with math, but I'm pretty sure that even after subtracting my one hour stop for peeing and food (what? there were no cups in the car) and the use of improper fractions, the rate of my progress was akin to Alice's courtship to Sam, the butcher.

The Primaries: A Chesa "Peek"

It's a whole different primary day here in the Mid-Atlantic today.

The "mommybloggers" are blogging about it.

Our office manager is quietly sporting a Vote of Die t-shirt under her cute sweater today.

Everyone in my office had already voted by 9:00 a.m.

The Liberal Ladies* were aflurry on email this morning reporting in on their poll experiences.

I voted at 7:30 this morning. There were not many people in line and I
was in and out within five minutes. I was number 71 on the VA D
side.

Any other experiences out there?

I went at 8:45 a.m. and was number 105 on the D side and noticed that there were about 35 voters on the R side. There was a small line (about 4 people) when I left which is a lot for our little precinct!

I left my house at 9:30, walked over, no line at all but they said right
before I came that the line was to the door, which is my usual experience.
A few came inafter me, all Ds - not an R in sight.

OK - My Husband went at 11:00. No one else was there. He took
an 'R' card (don't ask) - he was number 45. The R cards are white and the
D cards are blue. He said there was a huge stack of blue cards...

I voted for Hillary because as I stood in the booth and looked at the names
on the ballot I just HAD to vote for a woman, especially after my daughter told me
this morning that she wanted me to vote for Hillary because she wants to be
president one day and thought that having a woman now would help her
later. How could I not??

Had I been able to vote, I would have voted in the democratic primary for
Obama (You missed a bit of the political banter at dinner – I am not a fan of
Hillary Clinton – my impression is that she will stop at nothing to gain power
so there was much debate over the pros and cons of the two leading democratic
contenders). As you may know, in Virginia Independents are allowed to vote in
either primary and you must sign a form saying you will not vote in the other
primary.

Got to tell you, I was so pleased and proud to see a woman's name on the
ballot. Empowering.

But I'm one of those "older women in pant suits" - I really resent being
stereotyped (and being old). I suppose the rest of you can figure it
out...I stopped at the Corner Bakery after I voted proudly wearing my "I voted"
sticker. The cashier asked if I voted for her candidate and when I said
yes, she gave me the thumbs up. I guy in his early 20's with a goatee
gasped in horror and said at least I was in the right party. I asked him
if he wanted to discuss and he rolled his eyes, and turned away in disgust, and
under his breath said "you people are losers". Needless to say, I was a
bit deflated. This party needs to work together!

So the Liberal Ladies who were able to vote (one is a registered Independent and therefore can't vote in the MD primary) went for Hillary 2-1 (in VA). We still have two who haven't yet voted (one in VA and one in DC)--but they plan to.

Co-workers are coming in 3 for Obama (two voting in VA and one in MD) and one for...we think Huckabee.

I'm leaning very heavily toward Obama. And I say leaning right now because I this morning I was sure I was going to vote for him, but I've talked to two different women today who talked about the idea of voting for Clinton because of their daughters.

I have to tell you I am over the moon that there is a woman on the ballot. For the first time in my life, I have the chance to vote for a woman for President. My whole life I've been told I could do anything, but the faces in the highest office never looked like mine, so there always seemed to be a caveat to that promise.

I mentioned this to my boss over lunch today and he responded by saying that it might be wonderful to see a woman on the ticket, but that doesn't mean she's the right candidate--and then he laughed like he had made the best joke at my expense. While I agree with this premise, it pissed me off. As a white man, he has no idea how it feels to look at our country's top leaders (save the recent ascent of Pelosi) and not see your mother's or your face among them.

And don't worry. I told him so.

So when I visit the polls tonight I believe I will put a check next to the name Barak Obama, but not without ache in my heart.



*I'd link to a post about my girls the "Liberal Ladies" but they refuse to comment on my blog--except one of them, once, anonymously--though I know they're lurking. So alas. this is the first time you've probably heard of them. And if they don't begin to comment, I'm going to start making up stories about each of them here.

The Post I May Regret Later

I was taught that if I worked hard, tried to get along with folks and followed the rules that I would succeed.

At each stage in my life, I asked the authority figures why this plan didn't seem to be working out the way they promised. I was always reassured that the folks who were seeming to get things easy wouldn't always have it that way and it would work out better for me in the long run.

They said that in middle school.

They said that in high school.

They said that in college.

They said that when I entered the work force.

And now?

I just had the same exact conversation once again!

For crying out loud! I'm nearly 38.

I'm seriously thinking my time might be better spent focusing on looking hot before it will be too late to use that to my advantage.

(Sorry for the pity party today. I'm just tired of working in an industry where people who can't find their way out of a paper bag make more money than I do and then hire me to tell them how to do their job.)

Love, Mamma Style

The ever-lovely Heather from Oh My Stinkin Heck is inspiring us once again to spread some blogging love with a pre-Valentine's Day exercise. With just minutes to spare, I wanted to get in on the lovin' and I'll start with our gracious hostess.

I never actually had a chance to sit down and talk to Heather at BlogHer--a situation I hope to rectify this year--but that didn't stop me from noticing this beautiful women furiously typing away at her Mac. She had the warmest smile and most gorgeous eyes that I just knew she would be friendly. And I can attest through following her for the last eight months she is. She is constantly looking for ways to help her fellow bloggers out with useful advice and linky love--even little ole bloggers like me.

Next, I'm sending out big, gigantic smooches to the wonderful woman who put up with me as a roommate in Chicago. More than a year ago, I started reading the words of Canape at Don't Take the Repeats as she chronicled the heartbreak of a recent miscarriage. The bravery of honestly sharing her emotions hooked me immediately, so you can only imagine the pure joy I felt when just weeks ago she delivered the beautiful Little Bird. I can't wait to meet him, because I know he'll be just like his amazing parents--kind, sincere and loving. And as further proof of Canape's beautiful heart she is also the founder of Team WhyMommy.

Speaking of WhyMommy...how could I spread some love without mentioning the brave and beautiful Susan of Toddler Planet? The forthright chronicles of her battle with inflammatory breast cancer over this past year have brought attention to the disease throughout the blogosphere and beyond and inspired many of us to value our lives just a little bit more. Thank you Susan for sharing your story with us.

I don't want to lead you to believe that all my blog reading is so serious. There are a number of bloggers who make me laugh out loud on a daily basis. Neil and his talking Penis over at Citizen of the Month is so worth the read. He's recently shared his blog with his therapist--brave huh? Among the guys too there are Whit, Dorky Dad and Mitch McDad (who loves to blog about vibrators) who provide me with the dude side of parenting. Their blogs make me wish they would each move their families into the houses on my cul-de-sac. The neighborhood cookouts would be classic. As for the girls, Jessica, Jenny and Lotta may be responsible for buying me a new monitor in the not so distant future for all the diet coke that has shot (shat?) out of my nose while reading their posts and comments. Not only are they hysterical online but they are each the kind of chicas you want to hang out with once you meet them in real life too. I haven't met Kristi yet but she too is going to need to pay up.

And of course there is no way I could be throwing around my love without mentioning a number of women who are near and dear to my heart. Have you ever met someone and known immediately that you would be friends forever?? Kristie and Lisa and I had been exchanging comments for some time by the time we met up in Chicago, but with that long weekend behind us, they will never be able to shake my stink. Real, down-to-earth, funny, smart and caring don't even begin to describe these amazing women. Love you girls!! And though I haven't met Sara, Megan, Andi, and Jennifer yet I just know I'm going to be stalking them for years to come. Consider this a warning girls.

If you would like to participate in Heather's festivities, you still have a half and hour or so by my clock. Thanks again Heather for giving me an excuse to let just some of the terrific bloggers in my community how wonderful they really are.

PS--If you aren't on this list and you regularly leave me comments, please don't think I don't love you. I do. I do. If you're not on this list and you DON'T leave comments, why should you be on here?? just kidding

The One Where I Offer to Kiss Mitt Romney

Mamma DOES NOT Love Mitt Romney today. Visit Pundit Mom's site to find out why.

Come, Witness My Failure

And yet again I'm sitting here contemplating the extreme altitude of my level of suckiness as a mother.

My kids are good kids--for the most part they are well-behaved, kind and funny. They listen to me often.

And then some days, over the simplest tasks, I am completely drawn up by my inability to negotiate a desired outcome.

Mr. 5 was in desperate need of hosing down this evening. I mean I can excuse a little dirt, but he was on the verge of being "the dirty kid" in his class. A shower or bath was in order. He agreed. All was fine.

And then the time to get wet and sudsy came, and he refused my proposition.

Now granted, this child probably can't be held responsible for his skills in the ways of obstinance. Being adopted we're not so sure of the genetics I brought to the table, but considering only the known players it would be entirely accurate to describe my son as the Vortex of Stubbornness.

Case in point--the flip flops.

On a lark a few years ago, I bought my then two and half year old a pair of flip flops from Old Navy for the Fourth of July. I had no idea at the time that he would wear those flip flops for the next 18 months to the exclusion of all other shoes. That is until I was required to purchase two new pairs in the next size. He decided to mix the new pairs and wear one army green flop and one red, white and blue flop for the next twelve months after that. And god forbid I try to bring him the other set of mates. THOSE were not his flops.

But you live in Virginia Mamma, don't you? I can hear you saying that now. Yes we do. And it does get cold here in the winter (for at least a week or two).

You most certainly didn't let him out of the house in flops in the cold weather, did you Mamma? Listen kids, tonight isn't the first time I've decided I suck as a parent. But no, I didn't let him go out in flops. I had to buy him slip-on rubber sandals that looked like Birkenstocks (pre-Crocs days) so he could at least have socks on under the sandals.

Sheesh! I may take a certain amount of joy in the fact that my son asserts his individuality through the wearing of two different flip flops, but I will not allow his toes to freeze. I mean how would he get a date in high school if he didn't have any toes?!

Now there was one little snow storm we had during one of the "flop winters." Mother Nature treated us to eight inches of the lovely white stuff. School was cancelled, we stayed home from work (it is Virginia after all) and we ran to the closets and pulled boxes out from under the beds in search of our snow clothes.

And then I pulled out the boots for Mr. Stubborn.

Oh no! He was not going to wear those boots. They covered his toes for christ sake!

And so the rest of the family trudged out in the snow to frolic and Mr. Stubborn stood at the kitchen door watching us have our fun--with tears streaking down his face. I offered him the boots. He wanted to come out. But he was not about to cover his toes with SHOES.

And so he missed playing in the one decent snow fall we'd had in a long while.

Anyway...

Tonight the Vortex raised its ugly head. He was not going to bathe. He didn't want to go to bed. And that was that. I tried to reason with him. I tried to be tough. I left him alone for a few minutes. I counted to five. I gave him options. I started the shower. I turned off the shower.

I failed.

And then the hubs went upstairs. And I heard the water come on. And then a chipper little guy came downstairs all clean and shiny.

Fucking husband! Parenting guru freak!

Are You Freaking Kidding Me?!

From their website:

Don't Be Fooled by Pretenders!!!!! Anal and vaginal lightening is one of the hottest skin care trends today. Be sure not to be fooled by any other product claiming to be suitable for anal bleaching.

Thank me later for introducing you to the "hottest" skin care trend today.

Can Men Use It on Their Penis? YES! We have thousands of men using our Lightening Gel to enhance the look of their penis, genital and anal areas.

Finally! A beauty treatment for the fellas.

...providing you with a fresher, more youthful look.

The WORST part about aging? Oh honey, my anus!!

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Hey Jenny, I finally have something for the next installment of What Hot Mamas Know!!

Oh and won't the search terms be fun to peruse now.

Guilty Pleasure

A number of years ago my sister-in-law got me hooked on a horrible reality TV show.

I had never been drawn to reality TV. Sure I watched the first season of Survivor, but other than that I'd never been able to participate in the conversations about...

...see I don't even know who the big reality people are.

But Paradise Hotel?!

I couldn't miss an episode.

It came down to the final show. There were two couples left and I had opinions about who I hoped would win. WTF?? I locked myself in my room, not to be disturbed by ANYONE for that final hour. Twenty minutes in...

MY CABLE WENT OUT!!!

No bad weather. No power outage. It just went out!

I was forced to read about it the next day online.

So anticlimactic.

I vowed never to watch another reality show again. I had been burned.

And then I saw the ads last week. Too hot for Fox! It's back!

Paradise Hotel 2

And I watched it tonight. And I loved it again.

What is wrong with me??

Don't answer that.

Super Bowl Ads-- Part Cinq

Coke--Frist and Carville. As a political girl I'm interested. Good, but what does the rest of America think? Do just us DC geeks get it??

Black Dog--Gatorade. I was thirsty when it was done.

Bud Light--Will Ferrell Will in shorts just makes me laugh.

Super Bowl Ads--Part Quatro

NFL ad with Pitts--very good ad. Kept my attention.

Nationwide--aren't they known for good ads? That was pretty boring.

Wachovia--again...it's the Super Bowl. Isn't this the time to pull out all the stops?

Madonna got $10 million for lifecantwait.com? Of course I have to check out the site. I think it's for deodorant or shampoo. Aren't you supposed to know what the ad is for??

Coke--Macy's balloons. Go Charile!!!!

Super Bowl Ads--Part Trois

Salesgenie.com--I think I might be offended by that ad, but I'm not sure yet.

Shaq on a horse?? I don't care what this is an ad for, booger-picking kids and Shaq on a horse?? I love it!! Ah Vitamin Water. That was good.

Bud Light Cavemen--eh...it got a chuckle

Carmen Electra--Ice Breakers gum. whatever.

Alice Cooper and a snake. Richard Simmons. Bridgstone Tires? That's Faaantastic!! Got my attention.

Super Bowl Halftime Ads-Part Deux

McDonalds--beat box? Have you noticed the retro theme of this year's ads? The Geico Thriller nod, the Pepsi SNL nod. And now beat boxing??

Barak Obama--I was wondering if the candidates would buy ad space.

Where is Justin??

Zantac--if it would make me skinny and less wrikle-y, I'd take it. But again, what's with the boring ads?

Claritin--dude, how big are your teeth?

Tom Petty at Halftime

Okay, is it me or is Tom starting to look like Bob Dylan?

But I love American Girl. Great song to lead with.

How are they going to get all the fans back to their seats that they allowed onto the field??

Super Bowl Ads--Part I

Geico Cavemen--held my attention, but no good punchline





Acura MDX--BO-RING Give me something good. It's the Super Bowl





Comcast--I would have never been able to keep a straight face while filming that. As a mother of sons, I can't wait till the day I can freak them out like that. If kids aren't for hazing, what good are they??





Does Howie Long have hair plugs??

American Idol--What's with all the Simon Cowell winking--and chest hair??

Live Blogging the Ads

Just a few more seconds and we get to my favorite part of the Super Bowl.

So far I haven't been disappointed. Folks at this party seem to like the Tide Stainstick commercial the best.

Personally, I loved the Diet Pepsi Max.

Be back in a minute with my commercial report. Are you ready to love Justin??

Perfectly...

Clean margins!!!

Many days I look at the news, and I want to go and bury my head in the sand. What kind of world have we created for our children?? We work hard to teach them to play fair and be kind to others and then I look around at the adults in the news and wonder what role models they have.

And then I read WhyMommy and the hundreds of bloggers who have been supporting her throughout her battle with breast cancer and I breathe a sigh of relief. There are good people in the world. And their energy and love and caring for another they've never met renews my faith in the possibilities for good.

Susan has written so many posts over the past eight months that have inspired me, but this one really spoke to me--made me cry. So to Susan I bestow my nomination for the January 08 Perfect Post Award.

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The Perfect Post awards are sponsored each month by the lovely Kim and Lindsay. If you’d like to present an award next month, e-mail them and they'll send you the latest award button code a few days before the 1st. If you’re interested in looking through past award posts, they can be found here.