Getting Old

I just put it together today that my co-worker, someone I consider a colleague, was born when I was a freshman in highschool. If he had lived in my neighborhood, I would have been his babysitter. In just a few more years that means I will be working with people I could have given birth to. OH MY GOD!!

I didn't think I had an age thing. I don't feel old on the inside. But this has thrown me for a bit of a loop. This same co-worker remarked at my wedding picture the other day that I looked "sooo young" in it. Well, that was only seven years ago. There is probably more resemblance between how I looked in my college ID and that wedding photo than there is between that wedding photo and me today. What have I taken away from this? That I NEED to get the outside of me to look more like the person I feel like on the inside.

Now I'm not talking about plastic surgery (at least not yet--I mean who wouldn't love their boobs to be where they were before children?). I mean that I need to get in shape, to lose more weight. I think being heavier makes me look older. Or maybe it's the massive lack of selfish sleep you get to have before you have a family--that does it too. I don't know. It's probably a good thing that I figured this out now. I've been off my fairly successful new eating regime for a few weeks and I needed something to kick my ass into getting back to it.

My problem is that I just love food so much. I love being in the middle of an oreo cookie milk shake. You know when you still have about half left, so you can carelessly enjoy each sip before you begin to realize there are only a few sips left and it would be just too gluttonous to order a second? Hmmm...I think I have a problem with food. I love it too much.

Rock and Roll

How many rockin' moms are there? I mean real rock stars who are also moms. I immediately think of Pat Benetar, and Shawn Colvin but no one else comes to mind. Does Joan Jett have kids? One of the thoughts I had of looking up these bios is whether or not male rock stars bother to list their children on their bios--but I digress (indeed further research shows at least Mick Jagger with a reference to his children on his website).

Anyway, I bring up the rock star mom because I'm wondering if I'm too old to be a rock star. I mean completely ignoring the fact that my voice can curdle milk, it would be cool to be a singer. I prentend to be one in the car when I'm driving by myself. On long trips to college I would belt out the soundtrack to Evita until I lost my voice. What else could one do while driving hours on straight, flat, pine tree-lined roads with no decent radio station around?!

This hitting 36 has started me thinking about things I'm getting too old to be. Which is a problem because I haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up yet. I guess if I keep holding off the decision I'll be limited by shear age constraints. The problem is that I don't feel that old. Most days I still harbor many of the same insecurities I did as a teenager--though I think I've developed a better sense of humor about most of them. What other choice do I have?

I'd love to have some driving desire to be something. I wish I was one of those folks who knew what they were going to do since their sandbox days. Me? Not so much.

For a woman of questionable faith, I certainly have developed strong faith in the concept that some day I will just get hit with an idea. Interesting irony that I will have to consider later.

Happy Birthday Sara!!

It's my sister's birthday today. She's thirty-four, and she'll always be the baby!

Random Thoughts

So I had this completely random thought as I drove to work this morning--please, tell me I'm not the only one.

Maybe Freud was on to something. Do you think that our genetic programming to be hunters or gatherers has something to do with the type of sexual organs we're born with? It makes sense for guys...they are looking around for things to spear. But what does that say about women? Maybe the whole monogomy thing isn't what we're supposed to doing. Maybe we're supposed to be out there gathering. Though even with one man we are of course still gathing--those sperm are just so damn tiny. God is cruel.

Just a peak into the crazy thoughts that flow in and out of my head throughout the day. Scary huh?

Sounds

Lately my two year-old has started ennunciating p's at the end of yep and nope. The usual yes and no are now delivered with a decidedly strong ending. I love it! I love the way it sounds and I thought I better write about it here so I won't forget it. It's so true that you think you'll remember everything cute and funny that they do, but you don't. Thinking about this newest sound made me think about the other sounds they make that I love--and some that I could live without.

Their laughter. I know, it's trite. But there is nothing like the sound of a true belly laugh, the unselfconscious enjoyment of life that comes from deep down. Typically I find that it accompanies an activity that I prefer they not engage in, but the laughter makes up for it.

Talking in their sleep. How cute are those little words you hear at night? Every once in a while I'll hear another language from our four year-old as he is speaking Farsi during at daycare. That is even cooler!

Interacting with their siblings. Okay, there is a lot of room here for noises and sounds I would never want to hear again, but I do so enjoy hearing them have a real conversation with each other. Especially the little guys because it always seems like such an adult behavior for such little people.

Crying. This one I obviously hate. Everyone was tired tonight because they missed their naps. Our littlest guy wanted a story before bed, but it was just too late. He cried to the point of coughing, screaming for a story. I knew I wouldn't teach him anything good by giving in, so I had to wait out the cry. I'm sure I'm not the only mom whose heart breaks at this sound. I didn't want him to be sad. I wanted to fix it, but I knew in the long run it would only make matters worse. I hate the sound of their crying because I don't want them to be in pain, to be sad. I guess that's part of being a mom.

I'm sure I'm missing other sounds. Please leave a comment and tell me the ones you love and the ones you hate.

Girlfriends!

So I had book club last night. We all loved the book! We talked about it possibly more than any other we've read this year. And as happens every month when I get together with this group of women, I leave refreshed and ready to face another month reassured of my network of very cool, awesome babes!! I'm sure there must be other book clubs with similarly incredible gals in the area. It would be great if we could figure out a way to hook all of these women up. Man, would we be a force to be reckoned with!!

Thanks gals! I had a great time as always!